Outside my Window & Inside my Heart

Found: YUMMY Pork Rub

2012-01-22T18:06:00.000-07:00

We found a great recipe over on all recipes.com

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/pork-roast-with-the-worlds-best-pork-loin-rub/

But, I cannot seem to Pin it from there, so I am trying it here:

Ingredients

2 1/2 pounds boneless pork loin roast
1 1/4 cups brown sugar
2/3 cup sugar
3 tablespoons coarsely ground black pepper
2 tablespoons kosher salt
2 teaspoons ground ginger
4 1/2 teaspoons garlic powder
4 1/2 teaspoons onion salt
1 tablespoon dry mustard
1 1/2 teaspoons crushed red pepper (cayenne)
1 1/2 teaspoons ground red pepper (cayenne)
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 1/2 teaspoons paprika
3/4 teaspoon dried thyme, crushed

Directions

Stir together brown sugar, sugar, black pepper, salt, ginger, garlic powder, onion salt, dry mustard, crushed red pepper, ground red pepper, cumin, paprika and thyme in small bowl. Heat oven to 325 degrees F. Sprinkle 1/2 cup of the brown sugar mixture* evenly on all sides of the pork roast; use your fingers to rub into pork. Place roast on rack in shallow roasting pan. Roast, uncovered, until internal temperature is 150 degrees F., 40 minutes to 1 hour. Remove from oven. Cover with foil; let stand 15 minutes before slicing.

Footnotes

*Note: Store remaining brown sugar mixture in airtight container at room temperature up to 3 months; use on pork roasts or chops before roasting or grilling. Recipe makes about 3 1/2 cups dry rub.

Nutritional Information

Amount Per Serving Calories: 386 | Total Fat: 13.2g | Cholesterol: 69mg

McKenna needs our help.

2011-02-01T20:56:00.001-07:00

McKenna

(portrait provided by her family)

Dear Readers,

I’m interrupting my normal posting (or lack thereof) to share with you this story that is very true and very serious. This story is dear to my heart because I know her and her family personally and I know personally how hard health problems can be! McKenna and her family are friends of ours. She is only 12 years old and she and her family have been dealing with her health problems for years. It has gotten so bad lately that she has had three near-fatal seizures in the last 6 months! McKenna and her families only hope is to get a medical dog that would help her prevent these seizures. The dog is ready and trained for McKenna, the only thing that they are waiting on, is the money. It cost $10,000 (US) to get this dog. If there is any way that you can help, even donating a couple of dollars, please do so here under McKenna Vogt. This is not a hoax. This is a true life story. Usually you hear these stories but do not know whether they are of actual people in need and you don’t know where your money goes to. You would know in this case. Please read the full story in McKenna’s mother’s exact words below:

Dear Friends and Family:

McKenna was diagnosed with Type 1 Juvenile Diabetes on October 15, 2007. After a stressful year of trying to regulate her blood sugars through a constant carb diet, and insulin shots, we were able to put her on a Diabetic Insulin Pump. We had great hopes that this would “normalize” her life somewhat and regulate her sugars. Since then we have found out that McKenna is very sensitive to insulin which makes it very difficult to regulate her blood sugars. We have watched her struggle through school work, spending mass amounts of time in the nurses office and trying to keep up with her sugars that make her so ill.

One year ago, McKenna was watching tv with her grandmother and her mother, when she fell over, unable to move. Her blood sugars had fallen so low that she was paralyzed. We had no idea that is was a type of seizure, nor the damage that those cause. We made adjustments worked closely with her doctor and did all that we could.

Recently, McKenna’s diabetes have caused some serious medical issues. With her insulin sensitivity, we have found that it is an exhausting process. We test her through the night, every two hours and then make adjustments. This past July while at Girls’ Camp, McKenna’s blood sugar fell too low, she had a horrible seizure and she couldn’t breathe. We were able to get her the help she needed and then we carried on with camp. We had no idea, she should go to the hospital. When we returned we went to the doctor and did all the necessary medical tests. In October, she had another seizure and was placed in the hospital. This time her blood sugars were too high and she went back into DKA (diabeticketoacidosis). She was very ill. They released her from the hospital, however we were not able to get her blood sugars down to the appropriate range and it took months to remove the ketones from her body. She missed 31 days of school. We then, under the direction of her Doctor, went through a battery of tests to try to figure out what is wrong with McKenna. So far, we still have no answers.

Three weeks ago, we woke McKenna up to get ready for school. We left the room and carried on about our business of getting ready. We felt very uncomfortable, anxious, like something was wrong. Tanya went in to check on McKenna who by then was completely paralyzed, lying on the floor, appearing as if she had had a stroke making a horrible sound because her mouth was paralyzed also. She couldn’t respond and we knew she was having a horrible seizure. We called 911, we gave her glucose and we waited for help, all the while holding our baby as she appeared to be slipping away from us. Her blood sugar had fallen dangerously low again causing another seizure that was almost fatal. They told us that once she was given the sugar, it would take 15 minutes to an hour and she would regain her memory and functions. The clocked ticked by and that just didn’t happen. She couldn’t remember her name, she didn’t know who we were, she didn’t know where she was, nor the date or time. Her brain was functioning right with her body. It was painful to watch. There was a communication error between her body and the messages being sent from her brain. We watched and waited. Then they ran a CAT Scan, a CSPINE and we waited. She was later admitted to the PICU at Cedar Crest. It took over 12 hours for all of her functions to come back and longer than that for her memory retention to work. Three major seizures in 6 months is a lot. We also are fully aware of the repercussions these episodes will have if we cannot get them to stop.

We know that it was a miracle that McKenna didn’t suffer brain damage. We know the doctors were surprised that she is functioning normally now. We know that her life was spared once again. We know that the Lord has a plan for her and already knows when she will return to Him. We know that she was His first and in the end if we have done our job right, she will be His again and only He gets to decide when that is. It is very humbling. In the meantime, we feel we need to do everything possible to help McKenna and to try to improve her quality of life.

They currently have Diabetic Service Dogs that can be trained to help people with uncontrolled diabetes. The dogs are trained specifically for the person that they will work for, so in this instance for McKenna. They take samples of her saliva when she is high and when she is low. They train the dog to recognize those scents. The dog will then wake McKenna up, or warn her when she is too low and when she is too high. The dog will go with her wherever she goes. Studies have shown that these dogs can detect blood sugar changes 1 hour before a continual glucose monitoring system can. The can detect the blood sugar change even if she is swimming in a pool and the dog is waiting by the side of the pool. The night time is what scares us the most. We sleep pretty light trying to listen for her, but we don’t always hear her. McKenna is afraid of the night times now. We are hoping the dog will help us during that time. We want to get her this dog. It is very expensive and so we need help raising the money to get the dog. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated. If you would like to donate money for the dog please click on the following link and then click on the donate button, next to McKenna’s name.

http://www.pawsibilitiesunleashed.org/home/donations

We appreciate any sacrifice that can be made whether it is monetary or if you can include her in your prayers, or if you would be willing to forward this email on to your family and friends. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Love,

The Vogts

ill...

2011-01-12T15:30:00.000-07:00

I've been ill. So have Owen and Cora. I haven't posted daily gratitude in a week or more. But, I am not doing this to create another source of guilt. I truly want to learn from it. I want to become more joyful and thankful. I want it to be where I go first. So, no beating up on myself. I will just post today's gratitude and move forward

daily gratitude

1. I am thankful that Greg can take Cora to see the doctor this afternoon. She has missed three days of school and needs to get healthy.

2. I am grateful for fizzy bath balls. It feels really good to sit in the hot water and soak in the moisturizer and relax.

3. I am grateful for the sunshine which is shining brightly and melting the snow that fell on Sunday.

Daily gratitude, January fourth

2011-01-05T02:58:00.002-07:00

daily gratitude, january fourth

1. Chocolate! Tonight I indulged myself with two chocolate truffles. I am grateful to the student and his/her parents for giving them to Greg.

2. I am so thankful that Owen's headache appears to be gone.

3. I am grateful for a kitchen that has begun to be cleaner and more organized so that I may be able to craft an item or two this week. Kelly

daily gratitude, january third

2011-01-03T23:24:00.000-07:00

daily gratitude, january third

1. Today I am grateful for my husband and how hard he works both at his job and here at home. Tonight after work he came home and mopped the kitchen floor. It was a big job as the floor was in horrible shape. He does this all the time and I am so grateful for it.
2. I am grateful for the great tasting mountain water we get to drink here at our home. I don't drink enough of it, and that is inexcusable because it is delicious as well as good for me.
3. I am grateful for the game night my family and I enjoyed last night.

daily gratitude, january second

2011-01-03T01:42:00.002-07:00

daily gratitude, january second

1. I am grateful to be focusing my scripture studies onto the New Testament this year! I am so excited to learn more.
2. I am grateful for the amenities I have because I was born an American. Having safe drinking water, healthy food to eat, medications, vaccines and shelter... Plus so much more.
3. I am grateful for the sunshine that came out today. Kelly

Daily Gratitude - Day One (Jan. 1. 2011)

2011-01-01T20:39:00.000-07:00

The only way to form a habit is to try. To start. To do that thing daily. I often tie myself up into knots over the things which I don't or 'can't' do. It is time to find some freedom from my own thinking. From myself. It is time to decide to try. It is time to say 'I can, I will, I do' iustead of 'I can't, I don't'. Today that means I will start working on my new commitment and write

daily gratitude, january first

1. I am grateful that my family and I are safely home, in our own home, after two weeks away. I love my family... both the one I was born into and the one I married into... but it is wonderful to be back within the walls of this house, in this town, in this state. I love it here. I love this mountain. And I love being here with Greg, Owen and Cora. I am lucky.
2. I am grateful for the artistic inspirations I have found in the form of bloggers. These women are creative forces with their art and their lives. They think. They go inward. They search their souls. They take all that they know and put it into words, art and photography and share it with me. I am awed.
3. I am grateful for Girl Scouts. As a girl I was blessed by good leaders and good friends who shared the experience with me. Now, as a leader I am blessed even more because I can share it with my own daughter. It is fun. And I love the chance to play and learn together.

Saying Hello to 2011.

2010-12-31T22:57:00.000-07:00

I am a poor blogger. I don't make it a habit to sit at the computer screen and write my thoughts, or share my family's experiences. I want to. I just don't do it. So I have been pondering the things I hope to learn in 2011 and how I can utilize this blog as a tool. Some of my favorite bloggers have schedules that they keep. Perhaps they do one book review a week, or share a LO every Thursday. I love the idea of it but don't believe I would stick to the schedule I set. Instead I am going to start with only one thing.

daily gratitude

I am going to post three things for which I am grateful. It may be only a list. That is okay. I simply want to acknowledge my gratitude.

I still hope to share my art, relate stories about my family, highlight my thoughts... but my only commitment to the blog is the daily gratitude. Three things. Every day.

48 Things - a few more

2010-10-01T00:29:00.001-06:00

44. Baking Soda/Vinegar/Hydrogen Peroxide. You buy these items in bulk and you can clean almost anything for next to no money.

45. Quiet Nights. My family all go to bed much earlier than I do. I love the silence late at night.

46. Cleaning closets, drawers or cupboards. I know it is strange but I like the process of cleaning these, and purging some of our excess. I hate other household chores so why I enjoy this one is beyond my understanding.

47. Glee -- yep, I am a Gleek!

48. TURNING FOURTY EIGHT TOMORROW!

48 Things continued

2010-09-27T13:49:00.015-06:00

21. Laughter, Girls' Night Out & Sleepovers. Thank you Holly, Tammy, Lori and Kristy! I had a great overnight escape with my friends Friday night and Saturday. Crafting and laughter. It was a blast.

22. Sushi. I am still exploring and gaining courage to try various types when I have the opportunity. Love most of what I have tried!

23. Toilet Paper. Don't laugh. You are grateful too!

24. Memories. It is enchanting to visit with the people I loved in my past. To fly, to travel, to study foreign languages, to be a child... It is a blessing to have a mind which allows for memories to carry me into my past at times.

25. Aspen trees. I miss the glorious colors of autumn in Michigan. (Along with pumpkin spice donuts, cider mills, the sound of leaf blowers and the chilly wind.) But I do love the golden yellow of our beloved aspen trees.

26. Rules of language. I know people do not like the constraints of grammar. But without it books would not be the treasures that they are in my life. I make my share of grammatical errors. Still, I like the rules.

27. Timeliness. I hate being late.

28. Willow Tree Angels. My angels are so beautiful. They each express love to me -- particularly the ones my children gave to me.

29. My loveseat. This oversized piece of furniture is my favorite place to sit in my house. It is soft and comfy. :)

30. Shellfish. Yum!

31. Recycling. It is one simple thing that anyone can do to help keep our world beautiful.

32. The color orange. Not pumpkins or oranges. That shade of orange that is a little bit red and a little bit pink that you see in the sunset.

33. Tulips. Their growing season is far too short. But I love these colorful and fragile flowers.

34. OU Football. Duh! :)

35. Teasing my husband about boring baseball.

36. Scents. Who can resist the smell of cookies in the oven, or a baby while still wet from the bath? Spring roses in bloom. The air right after it rains. Greg's lasagna in the oven. There are so many smells I love.

37. Soap Operas. OK. I admit it. I love soaps. I like that the characters stay with you for years.

38. Seeing the pattern grow as I create cross-stitch.

39. Seeing the glimpse of the child who still lives in Owen. He is so grown up most of the time. But once in a while I still see the little boy -- the playful side of my serious son.

40. Cora's funny side. Puberty is starting and with it the moodiness. But she is also still my funny daughter who so easily makes the rest of us laugh.

41. Being an aunt. I don't see any of my neices or nephews often enough. But I love them all so much, and I love my role as 'aunt' to all of them.

42. Adult-only Dates with my Husband. We dont venture out of our home to have dates often enough. But I love it when we do. I cannot wait for Saturday (my birthday), when I can have a whole evening, overnight and morning alone with him.

42. Fluffy White Clouds in thos Colorado Blue Skies.

43. Being a Military Veteran. I am more proud of this job than of anything else I have done. (excluding being a mom, of course)

48 Things for Which I am Grateful.

2010-09-21T17:53:00.006-06:00

1. Greg, Owen and Cora -- I am myself when I am with them and they accept me exactly as I am.

2. Good Friends. -- My friends make me laugh, are my sounding boards, remind me of the places I can go, take me back to basics, trust me. They keep me balanced.

3. Blogs -- There are some talented bloggers whom I follow. I read their posts and they inspire me. I get my creativity from them.

4. Blue Skies. -- Colorado has expansive blue skies and my mood is always brightened by sunny days with blue skies.

5. Season Premiers.-- Sad but true. I am very grateful that some of my favorite TV shows are back on with new episodes this week. I am especially excited for this one:

6. Birthdays. They give us an opportunity to think about the course of our lives, and remind us that it is never too late to change our thinking. I am reminding myself of this right now.

7. Good Movies. There are some movies that linger with you for years. Maybe forever. There are several which I love, such as: Good Will Hunting, the miniseries Winds of War & War and Remembrance, The Sound of Music, and my all time favorite:

I have always loved Robin Williams - he is brilliant. But this movie showed me his range as a dramatic actor. And it also introduced me to another actor who I love. Robert Sean Leonard. And now I get to watch him weekly on House. Dead Poets Society is a gut wrenching, inspiring, beautiful movie.

8. Clean, Tasty Water. I didn't realize how good water can taste until we moved here. The mountain fresh water is delicious.

9. Teachers. These wonderful people take on the giant task of guiding, leading, and teaching my children everyday. They are paid next to nothing and are overworked. But they share their knowledge curiosity and love with my kids. I am so grateful for teaches who care.

10. My dad. My dad has always been a rock. He stood with my mom through trials that most people would not survive. He held her up, gave us kids strength, worked hard inside and outside of our home, and always made his love known.

11. Time with Friends. My friends are my greatest source of laughter. I am so happy that tomorrow I get to go for an overnight outing away from home with my friends Holly and Lori. Yippee!

12. Janet Evanovich. I have so much fun when I read her books. They are a raucous riot of laughter.

13. Computers. What did I do before the internet?

14. Kisses. Who doesn't love kisses?

15. Indoor Plumbing. We are spoiled -- those of us who have indoor plumbing. There are so many who don't in this world. And, yes, many of them are right here in the United States.

16. An Attic (even with its current infestation of animals). ... because I have a roof over my head.

17. Mexican Food. Not healthy or low calorie, but yummy!

18. Learning to Make Smoothies. Twice today I created delicious and very healthy smoothies. I am planning to do more of this. Breakfast and snacks. Or at least one of the two.

19. Oxygen. It isnt something I take for granted. And I am grateful that the medical community is able to see my needs and meet them.

20. Patterned (scrapbook) paper.

to be continued ...

Nearly 48

2010-09-21T17:27:00.001-06:00

I will be 48 on October 2nd. The last few days I have been considering that number a great deal. It sounds old, and yet I feel young(ish). I don't feel 10+ years older than the other parents of kids at the schools, but I am. When did it happen?

When my mom was 48 I was 27. I was nearly 30. She had me at 21 and I had my kids when I was 33 and 36.

I have been dwelling on that number. Turning 30 and then 40 didn't bother me at all. I breezed through the decade marker with nary a thought about whether I was getting old. So why does a silly number like 48 bother me so much?

My grandma died when she was 78 and my mom when she was 62. I am not so very far from those numbers. Is it the thought of old age or death that bothers me? I truly do not know. But, I will ponder it and write about it and hopefully process it.

In the meantime I plan to make a list of 48 things for which I am grateful today. I will start it today, and add to the list during the next 12 days until I reach 48.

Have any birthdays bothered you?

Book of Stories

2010-09-09T18:35:00.002-06:00

I have been a journaller and a scrapbooker for quite some time but over the last few months I have realized that I am capturing events, but rarely am I relating the stories of our lives. I am attempting to change that focus and luckily I found a perfect class over at Big Picture Scrapbooking. It is called Book of Stories and is taught by Karen Grunberg (the blogger I mentioned in an earlier blog post). The class started today, and I am thrilled. I know it is going to make me a better storyteller.

Do you wish that you journalled more about your feelings, your stories, the stories of your family? Or are you a scrapper who never goes beyond the chronological events of your life? I think you can still sign up for the class (I think it was $25). And after only one day I know it is going to help me. Once again I owe thanks to Karen.

Portraits for Friends

2010-09-08T15:38:00.012-06:00

Yesterday I was honored to photograph a family of 6 ... friends whom I have been lucky enough to photograph several times in the past. We went down to a park in Green Mountain Falls and found some great ways to use the sun and shade and wind. It was so much fun. I often think I should do this more often.

I am by no means a professional, and I don't know the camera I have well enough, AND I don't have the camera I wish I had, BUT having said all that... I am proud of these photos. I will share a small selection.

First we used the bridge and gazebo.

I used a warm filter on this one. If they like it, I will do other shots for them.

I love this one, and I think they have a similar one from a few years ago.

Playgroud shots are always fun for me.

There are MANY more. But this is a sampling.

Me @ 45

2010-08-31T23:58:00.009-06:00

These photos were taken in 2008, but the LO was done a couple of months ago. I put a lot of effort into making this feminine. The bling is a merger of three different bling sets that I cut apart and put together the way I wanted them. The bird is a clear sheer which I have glued to cardstock, then I layered on the Happy rubon. The edges are punched with on of my favorite border punches. I think this LO expresses my scrap style ... strong yet feminine, strong but sweet.

Zapata Falls

2010-08-31T23:48:00.007-06:00

Back in May my family and I went to the Great Sand Dunes National Park. It was such a great way to spend Mother's Day... camping with my dad. On the last day we hiked up to Zapata Falls and the creek and falls were still frozen over. We walked over the ice through the canyon and saw these incredible falls. 40 feet, mostly frozen. The ice was blue in places. It was stunning.

On the LO I was drawn to one of the lovely Precocious Paper flowers. I think it is the juxtaposition of winter and spring. Ice and flowers.

Easter Colors

2010-08-31T23:34:00.008-06:00

Our Easter was filled with fun. My dad came to our home and visited with us for the day. After dyeing eggs, eating tons and watching our blue dye foam up from the baking powder we added just to watch the scientific reaction... I wanted a LO that reflected the fun. So, here it is. Fun colors and lovely butterflies.

Outstandling Leader Award

2010-08-31T23:12:00.004-06:00

At the end of May our local service unit held a meeting for all the leaders in the area. It was a lovely evening with friends. But the best part of the night came after dinner. I was given the Outstanding Leader Award -- and I was nominated by Cora and Pattie (my co-leader)!

This LO is about that evening. I love the feminine details on this one. Flowers and bling and pins. It is on cream cardstock... wish it didnt look dirty in the photo.

70s Photos, Mini Me, and Tessa's flowers

2010-08-31T22:46:00.001-06:00

This LO is one of my favorites. I found this photo of me when I was about 3 years old and I finally saw what everyone else already saw. My daughter looks like me. Then I found this great 70s paper, a photo of Cora and I together, some paint and a flower from one of my favorite bloggers. I love the whole 2 page spread!

Floatin' Fun

2010-08-31T22:35:00.000-06:00

This LO is of the kids at their swim lessons a while back. I went very simple, and just enjoyed the bright color of the pool water and two handmade flowers.

I added bling to the letters, and I think it feels very watery.

Fun with Girl Scouts Collages!

2010-08-31T22:18:00.000-06:00

I was the leader for my daughter's Juniors Girl Scout troop last year. We had a blast together. These two pages are collages of the girls over the course of the year. The first page are 'proper smile' poses and the second is a 'be goofy' page. The colors are awesome (thought the photos do not do the papers justice. Both pages are on white paper ... but you cannot tell that by these photos. :(

Happy Bread

2010-08-31T22:12:00.000-06:00

Every time the kids bake bread with mom they have to make one loaf of 'smiley face' bread. I call it happy bread. Often it comes complete with buck teeth made by Cora.

This LO has a little paint, a little ink, some fussy cut clouds, and a happy color scheme.

Brotherly Love

2010-08-31T22:08:00.000-06:00

Another 6x12 LO. Very simple... with a few fussy cut embellishments.

An old Page Freshened Up!

2010-08-31T21:57:00.001-06:00

This page was a rescue from a very old Creative Memories album. The book had some water damage so I am taking it apart and using it as a reason for recreating the baby book. Some pages I have started from scratch. This one I decided to keep, with minor changes. I cut the paper on one edge with a decorative border, and added the embellishments in the bottom corner. Then I put it all onto white cardstock. I like the makeover, even though it would look different if I had started from scratch.

Sunshine and baby books

2010-08-31T21:19:00.001-06:00

This page took forever. But when I saw this piece of paper I knew exactly what I would do. Every morning Owen went into Cora's room and said "Good Morning Sunshine!" It was so sweet! I spent a lot of time affixing buttons and bling, but I love it. I cannot figure out why the main image is sideways. It is correct on my computer. Ideas?

Cora's Baby Book -- Finally

2010-08-31T20:58:00.000-06:00

This month I have begun a baby book for Cora - yes, she is 11 - and I am having fun using more than one sized page, varying techniques, and loads of feminine details. I am loving this project.

This page is 6x12. The photo was taken on the day we left the hospital. I used a creamy yellow paint on top of the brown pattern paper, punched one edge and added a butterfly. I love the page (though not this photo of it).

This page is very simple. I wanted the focus to be on those tiny ultrasound images and the story. It is however my first use of a doily and I love it.

Here is the first page in my book. All the photos are of my pregnancy. I have used some lovely handmade embellishments and included many little journal details. I love this page.

A little paint & mist

2010-08-31T20:45:00.000-06:00

I have recently found that I enjoy paints of various sorts. My first attempt at paint is on this layout. I am not sure I like it, and I think the photo is awful, but I am sharing it anyway. Maybe I am just proud of the way I am thinking outside the box and trying new techniques! I am also unhappy with the bling flower (though I LOVE bling!) -- I think I will probably replace that with a flower from Tessa. I have an order coming, so maybe one is in there ... if not it is a great reason to make another purchase. :)

Butterflies and flowers

2010-08-31T20:35:00.000-06:00

At the end of the school year all the kids at Columbine enjoyed a day of play outside for Super Kids' Day. These photos were taken in May 2009 at the end of Cora's 4th grade year. I scrapped them in the spring. The color is a bit washed out. I wish I could have shown the sense of playfulness the yellow and red brought to the layout. This summer I have also discovered etsy and lovey handmade embellishments. If I were to change this page it would be to include handmade flowers.

Playing with Thread

2010-08-31T20:29:00.001-06:00

The photos in this 2 page spread were taken in 2008, but I scrapped them in the last few months. This is one of the first layouts where I played with thread -- creating a frame of sorts.

here are a couple of detail shots:

My art -- Scrapbooking

2010-08-31T20:08:00.001-06:00

On many occasions I have claimed that I am not artistic. Except that I scrapbook. And recently I have realized that this is my art and that when I sit with photos and paper my creative juices flow. I love to scrapbook. Today I attempted to photograph a few of my recent pages. I am still not confident in the results but I have decided to share anyway. This page is for my husband. He is smart, educated, witty, funny, kind, loyal, honest. This page is about the second item on that list. Educated. These photos were taken on the days of his high school graduation, his graduation from Wooster and then from law school.

The color isn't great. Hopefully I can get a better shot one day soon. The butterflies are punched from photos and though the photos are old and not of great quality they are better than this pic shows. I used a white pen to create a line on my frame.

Gratitude

2010-08-31T19:20:00.000-06:00

Today I am grateful to one of my favorite bloggers... you can follow her here. She amazes me. Her photography is stunning, her scrapbook layouts are ones of which I am completely envious, she is a mom, a wife, and an incredible blogger. One of her regular, weekly posts is about gratitude. She picks one thing for which she is thankful that week. Today she shared that her blog is now ten years old! She outlined some of the changes in her blog over those years and during the time I read her post I was inspired. I have struggled to find a focus for this blog... mainly because I thought I was writing for my audience. And I didn't know what they (you) wanted to read. Do you care about my scrapbooks? Do you care what I read? Do you want to know about the quiet ordinariness of my boring life and that I am often lonely? Or about my random memories? I last posted in June because of this confusion. I had almost decided to stop blogging. Then I read this post! I do not yet have a focus. But I no longer care. I will blog for me, and hopefully along the way a post or two will interest you. Thank You, Karen!

The Cruelties of My Husband Exposed!

2010-07-16T19:40:00.000-06:00

Have you ever noticed that the people who purport to love you most are the same ones who find little ways to needle you with your craziest fears? You give them the keys to your heart and they take a picture of this??? Why? I mean really... he knows I hate these signs and all that they imply.

Friday's Week-in-Review

2010-07-16T19:07:00.000-06:00

This week Greg and I went to Buena Vista where we stayed in a lovely inn, toured two ghost towns, took a walking tour of Leadville, read, talked, ate and played. It was good to have a little escape before the kids return from MI next week.

We drove over Independence Pass and were blown away by the views! We also got our first glimpse of Aspen (and we will definitely return).

On the return trip we walked around the ghost town of Independence. That was one of the favorite parts of that trip. We both loved the feeling of spying upon the lives of those who came here to find their riches in silver.

The Iron Building was one of my favorite buildings in Leadville.

St Elmo - the other ghost town we visited - was an entirely different experience. It is being cared for by local individuals as well as some local historical societies. The renewal is both exciting and off-putting. But I am grateful that when my children want to take their children to see Colorado's mining history they will be able to go to St Elmo.

The part I enjoyed most about St Elmo was knowing that my old friend, Shelly, is the great -granddaughter of one of the town residents in its short heyday. She still own his cabin. And he is buried in the small cemetery nearby.

I took many, many pictures as I always do. I can't wait to scrapbook this trip.

"There's a GIRL on the radio!"

2010-07-09T15:37:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time, a LONG time ago, there was a girl who looked a lot like me... but much younger. All during her childhood she said she wanted to be a stewardess (now known as a flight attendant). She had no hopes of flying in any other capacity because ... well ... she was a girl and it was the 70s. Then after high school she was floating through life and working her tail off as a waitress. She quickly realized she needed something important to do with her life. She entered the United States Air Force on November 16, 1981. After basic training they shipped her off to Mississippi for tech school. She was set to be a Radio Operator. Then one day the an instructor visited her class and presented to them the idea of signing up to take another class after finishing this one, to become an Airborne Radio Operator. The girl's response was immediate. She wanted to FLY! So, she kept her test scores high and graduated the first school so that she could be accepted into the second school. As she worked her way through that course she began to learn about the various aircraft to which she could be assigned. She quickly learned that some of the most desirable aircraft were closed to women. Darn! But she kept asking. When might women be allowed to fly on AWACS? But her orders were cut. She would not be going to AWACS. Then on one of the last days of class her instructor entered with new orders for the entire class. Several were changed including her own. She was being sent to AWACS where she would be the first female aircrew member. The newspaper visited and printed a half page article on the girl. Tests were taken, travel was planned, and then she arrived in Oklahoma late one Friday night. The following Monday she began training for her new job. As part of that training they sent her to Saudi Arabia with an aircrew. The girl was excited to establish radio contact the night of her first flight and contacted the men from the navy aboard ship far below her in the Gulf. Everything was perfect. Communication was established. Then the fun began. Words were uttered ... in fact they were yelled. Over the airwaves. The young man aboard that ship forgot to un-key his mic before he screamed those very accurate words: "There's a GIRL on the radio!" Yep, once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a girl who looked a lot like me but much younger. And she was on the airwaves and on the aircraft.

Fun with friends on the 5th (yes, fifth) of July!

2010-07-09T00:04:00.000-06:00

Every year I look forward to the fifth of July, with anticipation which equals that of a small child counting the days before her next birthday. I love the fifth of July in Woodland Park! The best event of the year occurs on the fifth. Symphony Above the Clouds. The Colorado Springs Symphony sets up an outdoor concert on the football field at the middle school. Churches and school booster groups set up food concessions. The United States Arm sends up several cannons and the men and women who operate those huge weapons. Add lights, public bathrooms, trash cans and many, many volunteers and you have the recipe for a lovely evening. Especially on a perfect Colorado day. We had a day like that this year. A high of 85 and expansive blue skies. That afternoon we hosted a barbecue with some friends: the Christensen family, the Billings family, and the missionaries. We ate on the back porch, the kids set up sports in the yard, played in the 'play'house, and jumped on the trampoline. And as the afternoon ended we packed one vehicle with oodles of lawn chairs, blankets, sweatshirts and coolers filled with water, soda and food. Holly drove it to the school while the rest of us walked. We claimed our patch of grass and were glad to be joined by many more friends as the evening went on. The music was great... particularly the medley of military songs. Tradition holds that you stand when they play the song for your branch of the military (both active and veteran). And the 1812 Overture is even more profound when you listen to it beneath a banquet of stars and hear it punctuated with a volley of actual cannon fire. Before the song ends the fireworks begin. The only negative to the start of the fireworks is that it means the fun is near its end. It was a beautiful day! And now the anticipation for next July 5th has begun!

top row: Greg and I, Shay and Alex Christensen, Alex, and Holly and Ron Billings.

middle row: RJ Billings, Tag Billings, Caden Billings, Holly and Tori Billings.

bottom row: Shay, Cary Shyanne, Tiffany and Alex Christensen, the missionaries, Shyanne, and Tag and Riley Billings.

To Owen

2010-06-17T15:41:00.000-06:00

Owen is going to camp this week with some of the Young Men at church. I was asked to write him a letter which he will read while there. It is my tribute to him. Dear Owen, I am grateful for the opportunity to tell you why I think you are so unique; so special. And also to tell you why I am so proud that you are my son. If Heavenly Father had given you to another woman instead of me I would still see your sweet nature and be impressed by your kindness. But I am lucky because He did not choose to do that. Instead he gave you to me to raise. He trusted me to see your worth and guide you into adulthood. How Blessed I am by that gift! You are precious to me. I look at you now and see the man you are becoming. I know that you will be strong, loyal, committed, honest, loving and kind. You will be an excellent husband and father. I know all this because of what I see in you today. You are already strong, loyal, committed, honest, loving and kind. You make me laugh. You teach me. And I am grateful for your goofiness; your incredible sense of humor. Even at the moments when I am angry and frustrated with you I still see your heart. I see the big picture -- and where you are going to be when we get through that temporary difficulty. You are a good person. I am proud of you for that. I know the good choices are not always easy and so I am impressed that you continue to strive to make them even when others around you may not be doing the same. Heavenly Father will always lead you to make the right choices. I know that he provides a compass in my life. And in yours. But to use that compass requires an effort. You must ask for the guidance and you must follow the path He provides. If you do that, He will always help you. I know that He will always give us the guidance we need. Even when I am not with you to help you, He is. The Holy Ghost will speak to you and tell you the right choice. Prayer is the most powerful tool you have. I have not shared my Testimony with you often enough. I should remind you every day that I know He guides us. I have failed to do that, but I am telling you now. Rely on Him. He teaches us; leads us. Follow His path and you will always have the strength to make the right choices. Those choices will only become more difficult in the next few years, so please remember that He is with you even when your dad and I are not. I love you immensely. With Love from Your Lucky Mom

My birthday boy.

2010-06-08T00:23:00.000-06:00

I met Greg in January 1994 and married him in April 1995. Like all people we have had some rough times. We lived through the suicides of his brother and two of my cousins, the miscarriages of three children, his shoulder surgery, and my many battles with health. Through all of it Greg has remained strong. He has been the grounding force in our marriage. During the long days when I could barely crawl out of bed he kicked in to caretaker mode. He loved me, he cared for our children, cooked for us and allowed me to cry when I needed to. After the losses of our children he helped me to say my goodbyes. My husband is funny, though many don't see it. He is astoundingly bright, and even more loyal. He is strong, kind, committed to us. And to the kids he teaches. Greg is a teacher. I love that his students become part of the fabric of our lives. Many of them don't know me... but I know them. And I love them because Greg loves them. He is a teacher in the best sense of the word. They are lucky to have him. He is a friend. A dad. A thinker. A reader. A man. Best of all he is mine. My husband. I like him, and I love him.

More Paper Please: Operation Write Home!

2010-05-29T12:39:00.000-06:00

More Paper Please: Operation Write Home! That card is stunning. I am new to OWH, and have made 5 cards so far this weekend. Now I am inspired to get busy!

This week I...

2010-05-02T17:04:00.000-06:00

1) Cleaned the house 2) Bought fizzy balls for Cora 3) Received a beautiful thank you note from my friend 4) Took care of my sick daughter 5) Saw the movie Oceans -- and loved it! 6) Went to eat lunch at King Chef 7) Scrapped 2 pages 8) Made 4 cards 9) Bought a swimsuit for Cora 10) Found I had purchased Children's Motrin which was recalled 11) loved my new green and red glimmer mists 12) cooked 13) watched the Kentucky Derby with my family 14) Got more scrappy mail 15) Planned a short trip to Steamboat Springs with Greg in July 16) Stayed up way too late in the middle of the week 17) Followed three new (to me) scrappy blogs 18) Cleaned the house again 19) Watched it snow in May 20) Wore a skirt at the same time as I wore slipper socks 21) Saw the high school's production of 7 brides for 7 brothers 22) Talked about my Kindle with some who were interested 23) Ordered new capris 24) Slept in and... MOST IMPORTANTLY... 25) VISITED WITH ART & JO-ANN, MY LOVELY AND LOVING IN-LAWS!

Five Random Faves Today

2010-04-20T23:27:00.000-06:00

Today I am loving: 1. Handmade flowers Lately I love to add various embellishments, especially flowers, to my scrapbook pages and cards. Here is a tutorial to an easy and beautiful dimensional flower. I make mine with patterned papers to save the step of stamping. www.dailymotion.com/video/xabujm_handmade-flower-tutorial_creation 2. Facebook I love reuniting with friends here! 3. Brothers and Sisters 4. Girl Scouts 5. Date nights!

Fun, A Mother's Pride and A Remembered Fallen Building

2010-04-18T22:17:00.000-06:00
It is April 18, 2010 and the clock is rapidly moving towards the change in date to the 19th. Tomrrow marks the 15th Anniversary of the Murrah building bombing. It was a day of shock, sadness and worry for me. I was well familiarized with that building. Oklahoma City was my home for four years and Norman for another four. I have people I love there ... people for whom I was worried. I felt the bombing as the media coverage began in Michigan. It rocked me. That day 15 years ago also preceded my wedding by only three days. So, though tomorrow will be a day filled with memories of a sad and tragic day I am also looking towards the day three days later when I can celebrate with my husband. It is such a blessing to be here, together, all these years later. On a lighter note it was a weekend filled with lovely moments for our family. Cora and Greg had a daddy-daughter dance date, Cora and I had a mother-daughter 'tea' date, Owen competed and won the Public Forum Debate tournament yesterday, AND I spent 8 hours crafting with friends! It was a lovely weekend and I am grateful for family and friends. My word this week: GRATITUDE.

I Gave up Brad Pitt for Grandchildren.

2010-04-10T19:23:00.000-06:00
Back in the spring and summer of 1996 I was expecting my first child. Lets be honest though the fun part of having children is having grandchildren. Right? While I loved the fact that I was now a mommy, my body did not. I spent much of that time on bedrest. And during the time when I was not on bedrest my activity was still restricted. Greg was working at Blockbuster Video as an assistant manager, and so I spent much of my time sitting behind the counter alphabetizing movies to be restocked once they were returned. It was mindless work but it allowed me to be 'in the world', not secluded in my home by myself. I loved it. One day I walked into the store to see a life-size cardboard cutout of Tristan Ludlow -- the incredibly beautiful (HOT) character played by Brad Pit in the movie Legends of the Fall. Oh geez! I had to have that thing. Immediately! I told the manager that when it was time to take down Brad he was mine. For weeks I reminded him that he could not give that poster to anyone else who asked. And many asked! One night I was home sleeping before Greg got home after closing the store. (The fact that I slept was a miracle in itself, but that is another story.) Greg brought me the gift of Brad Pitt! Now that is love! Unfortunately I was pregnant and fighting pre-term labor. Pregnant women need to make many, many trips to the restroom. And that night was no excepting. Around 4am I made my second nightly trip, and as I entered the hallway I caught a glimpse of a man standing in the doorway of the nursery. It startled me so much that I nearly wet my pajamas. Then I realized it was not a stranger; it was Brad. "OH, its only Brad", I said to myself. Lovely. He was lovely. The next trip to the restroom, I was equally as frightened by a man in the nursery. "OH, its only Brad", I repeated, smiling. However, I never remembered. I never stopped being startled. Brad made me smile during my waking hours, but at night he scared me to death. Who would think that would be possible? I mean really! Brad in my house at night. That should make me smile! Finally I realized it was time to say goodbye to Brad. If I kept Brad... well, I would give up those grandchildren. And that could not happen! So sadly Brad left my home and I havent seen him since. I have looked for him on eBay, but he is not there. I suppose no other woman was forced to make the choice between Brad and her future grandchildren. And, so, Brad is staying in those homes. I may never see Brad again. But Owen has been given his orders. He will give me grandchildren. :)

LOVE: Elizabeth vs. Dorothy

2010-04-09T14:17:00.000-06:00
Two takes on love. Both poems resonate with truth. Which is most true? How Do I Love Thee? How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of everyday's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with a passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death. by Elizabeth Barrett Browning To A Much Too Unfortunate Lady He will love you presently If you be the way you be. Send your heart a-skittering. He will stoop, and lift the thing. Be your dreams as thread, to tease Into patterns he shall please. Let him see your passion is Ever tenderer than his.... Go and bless your star above, Thus are you, and thus is Love. He will leave you white with woe, If you go the way you go. If your dreams were thread to weave He will pluck them from his sleeve. If your heart had come to rest, He will flick it from his breast. Tender though the love he bore, You had loved a little more.... Lady, go and curse your star, Thus Love is, and thus you are. by: Dorothy Parker

Sunshine & Warmth OR Snow & Wind?

2010-04-01T17:21:00.000-06:00
BOTH. Every place I have lived in the world (and those places are many) it has been said, "If you don't like the weather wait 5 minutes." But it isnt really true. Anywhere. Except in the mountains. This afternoon I soaked in the sunshine while I ate my lunch on the front porch. It was a glorious taste of spring. An hour later the snow was blowing horizontally and the sky was gray. It fell and blew for 15 minutes and then the sunshine took over again and I longed to be outside. The weather changes often here. HOW WELL DO YOU WEATHER CHANGES IN THE CLIMATE OF YOUR LIFE? Change is an essential part of our life experiences. We can fight it but the fight is always in vain. There is nothing as constant as change. Some change is welcome but much is not. My faith tells me that my Father in Heaven will always guide me through life's storms and help me weather those changes. Still I find myself fighting the process. For me the greatest change occured when I began my battle with health problems many years ago. I am grateful for the 'healthy' days, and I fight through the tough ones. It is my personal snowstorm. Some days I fight it. I know that a positive outlook is my sunny day, and that when I fight and grieve I am battling my own personal blizzard, and yet I do fight. Sometimes. Recently I have been fighting. Today's changeable weather reminded me of the futility of fighting... I am looking into my heart and toward my family to renew my resolve to go throught the changes of my life with grace. It is likely that I will forget and fight again. Hopefully the crazy Colorado weather will provide another reminder when that happens.

When kids get their feelings hurt

2010-03-15T22:27:00.000-06:00
The hardest thing about being a mom (in my opinion) is that sometimes I must see my children get their feelings hurt and there is nothing I can do. I can only give them a little extra attention and try to explain the actions of other children. It is a situation which I never feel I have handled properly. I saw my ineptitude again tonight. Cora has a friend -- someone she considers her best friend. Tonight she learned that her friend is planning a small birthday party and didnt invite Cora. It sounded as though the friend can only invite 2 or 3 girls. But if Cora could invite only one girl this would be the girl. I saw that Cora was hurt by the fact that she wasnt on the list of three girls invited. How do you help a child deal with hurt like that? I think I do everything wrong. This time I explained that her friend probably knew we would be gone for spring break and so she didnt even ask. But, is that helpful? Or did I make things worse than they already were? And what will happen next year when they all move to the middle school? Will these events happen more often? How do you handle similar situations? What would your response to this particular situation be? And how do you keep your children's pain from becoming your own pain?

Mountain Fashion

2010-03-07T20:49:00.000-07:00
My favorite attire is a warm pair of flannel pajama bottoms an a tee shirt. Sometimes they do not even match. I wear a skirt to church but otherwise you will find me in denim or my flannel PJs. When I was much younger I loved fashion. I dressed in all the crazy 80s 'inspired by The Go-Gos' clothes and loved to shop for clothes. My lifestyle was different then. I went out to clubs, and dated boys I knew in the military. Rarely was I home on a weekend. Even week nights I was often out with friends or boys. Fashion played a role in that lifestyle. Now I spend my evenings playing board games, reading books, watching TV. Family activities. And my fashion reflects the crazy weather of the mountains rather than the crazy music of my young adulthood. I call it mountain fashion. :)

Music Memories

2010-03-03T17:56:00.000-07:00
When I first discovered the world of blogging (admittedly long after most) I read posts by a friend about the memories evoked by the music of her youth. I loved the series and I have often reflected on those memories in my life. Back in the mid-1970s, when I was in Junior High I fell in love with what I term folk music but is really more appropriately named light pop/rock/easy listening. The Carpenters. The Turtles. Olivia Newton John, before disco. Mac Davis. I owned a all-in one stereo with AM/FM radio, a 'record player' and an 8-track tape player. (Yes, I am that old.) I would put a stack of records on the turntable plug in my massive headphones and stretch the cord as far as possible so that I could sit in my closet under my hanging clothes listening to my music for long stretches of time. Why in my closet? Privacy from my annoying little brother. Feeling sheltered from the world. Hiding from my problems. Getting lost in the perfect, romantic world portrayed in the lyrics of Karen. I sang every memorized word and formed a distorted view of love and relationships that lasted well into adulthood. Aside from that I remember the escape offered by the beautiful, high notes of Olivia in "I Honestly Love You" and Karen in "Close to You". I remember loving the fact that my Junior High teacher chose the song "Happy Together" for us to sing in show choir and that I felt every word was for a cute, blond boy named Doug. When Crystal Gayle sang "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue" I cried along with her plaintive words. Mac Davis created a world of expectations for my first pregnancy in the song "Having My Baby". I grew up and learned that life is not a love song, though love does have its own musical soundtrack. I learned that pregnancy is not always filled with only happy moments. I learned that I didn't want to sing about either happiness or heartbreak. I also learned the power of music in my life and each era of my life brought with it a soundtrack (is there a synonym for soundtrack?)which calls forth its own set of memories -- good and bad. I love all those soundtracks and eventually I would love to have a digital play list for each of them on my iPhone. Wouldn't that be fun? What are your favorite soundtracks and what memories do they arouse?

Chilled to the Bone -- what does it mean?

2010-02-15T23:03:00.001-07:00
Each year it seems that the three weeks of cookie season is colder than the one before. While I know this cannot possibly be true I also know that tonight was certainly one of the worst I have survived. When the evening's sales were at an end and I returned home my feet and hands hurt so badly I cried. I am not one to succumb to pain easily but I couldn't seem to stem those tears. My teeth chattered, my legs shook and my tears flowed down my cheeks. For the first time (ever?) it occured to me that I understood the phrase chilled to the bone. But as I pondered the idea further I realized that nothing about my life is chilled. I am blessed in every possible way. I have a family whom I love and who love me. I have friends whom I trust completely. I have faith and hope which buoy me even in my times of distress. I have medications and oxygen which allow me to follow my path in life despite illness. I have education, thought, and resources with which I learn. I have it all. So, can I really be that cold? I have decided that the only time I am truly chilled to the bone is when I lose my direction in life.

Quiet in Colorado

2010-02-03T21:35:00.000-07:00
Words have flowed from my fingers more slowly of late. I have a monster inside my head which stills my thoughts and creeps into my mind changing my view from optimistic to pessimistic and tries my faith. My monster may not be the same as yours but I am sure that you to have a monster. Mine is named BiPolar Disorder. Some people know it by the name ManicDepressive. I find that neither name shares with you the traits of my monster. And, actually, I have hidden from this monster well over the past 7 years. Unfortunately I have been fighting the battle again this past month and while at it I have often forgotten my friends, fought my family and ignored my faith. However I am taking the steps and winning this latest battle with BiPolar disorder. I don't want to share more than anyone wants to read and I know it would be easy to overshare so I will end this post here. But this is my way of stilling the monster and forcing my words to flow again. I hope you will follow.

What do I love today:

2010-01-26T15:24:00.000-07:00
I am making a list of the things I love because I want to remind myself of how much fun life is when I make the most of it. The idea comes from my newest friend, Maggie! :) Greg, who does so much for me and our family Owen and Cora, who are the greatest kids ever reading hiking mountains diet Coke from a fountain studying the Middle Ages, particularly in Britain laughing road trips fun music sleeping in spicy foods the scriptures sunshine and BLUE skies 'snow days' when my family gets an unexpected holiday fireplaces and wood stoves hot springs seeing elk bloglurking the smell of babie' heads OU football ice cream clean sheets on my bed jacuzzi tubs -- wish I had one! candles movies that make my cry The Office -- I found this love because of Maggie my house fresh flowers blueberries that are slightly frozen historical fiction books board games mountains lake Michigan Historical road markers real letters in the mail a brand new journal good pens Wii laughter John Lennon Donny Osmond magazines

Poetry on Thursdays -- Robert Frost

2010-01-14T23:26:00.000-07:00
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost Whose woods these are I think I know. His house is in the village though; He will not see me stopping here To watch his woods fill up with snow. My little horse must think it queer To stop without a farmhouse near Between the woods and frozen lake The darkest evening of the year. He gives his harness bells a shake To ask if there is some mistake. The only other sound's the sweep Of easy wind and downy flake. The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

Cookie Season and the Things I Love About Cora

2010-01-10T19:54:00.000-07:00
Friday began our latest season of cookie sales. When your daughter is 'SuperGirl-the-TopSeller' every year this means lots of time outside in the cold meeting neighbors, slipping on ice and talking with your child. Each time I discover again some of the things I admire most and love the greatest about this extraordinary girl. Cora knows that if she is to attend camp she must earn Cookie Credits -- or Girl Scout dollars which will help her to earn her way there. Doing this requires her to sell ... many, many boxes! Last year she sold 1,128 boxes. This earned her troop more than $550 and she earned $255 in cookie credits. I am grateful that she is so determined to do her best and works so hard for the two months of cookie season. So who is Cora? She is a tender-hearted, sweet, boisterous, funny girl. Bright, kind and honest. She says the truth as she knows it and though she is often too stubborn she does learn her lessons when they come her way. She is generous. And through Girl Scouts she is learning to be a problem solver. While walking today she saw I was struggling with back pain. She didnt use it as an excuse to escape the cold or go home and play after two very long days of selling. No... she offered to carry my oxygen for me! It surprised and delighted me. I love that she looks for solutions and is willing to shoulder the burden of her mother if it will help. It is a beautiful trait in a beautiful girl. My daughter's feelings are often on the surface and she is hurt easily. She expects the best in people and when she sees their worst it hurts her heart. And that, of course, hurts my heart. Despite this Cora is more than willing to forgive and moves forward with excitement at the clean slate which forgiveness provides. She isn't shy however. She laughs easily. Talks easily. And she has no problems introducing herself and asking for her sales when she visits a home. I listen to the confidence as she encounters each new person and I am impressed at how much she has learned through this opportunity. My lovely girl inspires me and I am grateful to call her daughter.

One Little Word ... 2010.

2010-01-03T19:01:00.000-07:00
A friend shared with me the fact that each year she chooses a word by which to direct her life. A theme, if you will. I love the idea and so beginning in November I began thinking about what my word should be. Right away I knew I needed a VERB. Active, not reactive. Something that would inspire and motivate but without the 'should' attached. I believe that people fail at resolutions so often because they choose things which have that word attached, and which easily result in guilt. Based on that I quickly tossed the word 'organize' which was top of my list. (I need to get organized.) I then tossed 'simplify' because in my mind I defined it similarly to 'organize'. Next I considered and tossed 'be', which felt a bit too existential. In the end, I have chosen the word 'DO'. I want to be present in my choices and active in my life. "DO' seems to fit.

Emily & Robert and I wish for you:

2010-01-01T02:15:00.001-07:00
I wish for a year of choices and change. For hearts filled with love and joy. Mostly, I hope you look to your unique journey filled with hope. Hope by Emily Dickinson Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all, And sweetest in the gale is heard; And sore must be the storm That could abash the little bird That kept so many warm. The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth. Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same. And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

On the Road - the worst didn't happen.

2009-12-27T18:01:00.001-07:00
Yesterday my family was involved in an accident. Despite a car with much damage we came through it relatively unscathed. Today I am hurting from my hips to my head. The accident has triggered a flare of my Fibromyalgia. But it is a pain which will ebb quickly. I am grateful for the safety of seat belts which worked exactly as they should. I am grateful for the police officers who responded and ensured that we were all okay. I am grateful. Memories and Flashbacks. I know what can happen. I have seen the worst. On August 6, 198o, shortly after my high school graduation and before my 18th birhday I had an accident which has tortured me ever since. I was on my way to work that morning. I didn't make it. A few blocks from my apartment I was in a crash with another car which was driven by an elderly woman. I do not rememer the aciident. I do not rememer the morning. My first memory is of regaining consciousness in my car surrounded by emergency vehicles. Through my windshield I could only see the hood of my car and a person hosing down my engine. Through the passenger window I saw another car. But I couldn't see a person in that vehicle. It turns out she was there and they were able to rescue her from the wreckage with the jaws of life. They loaded both of us into an ambulance and took off with sirens blaring. I watched her die. Her heart stopped and the paramedics administered blows and shocks to her chest with no success. She died. I was released from the hospital with few physical injuries but great mental ones. Since that awful August morning I have suffered intense fear when I witness the remnants of accidents and I am skittesh in cars most of the time. I have suffered flashbacks. I am scarred. Tortured at times. But yesterday I saw that accident coming and while it scared me it didnt do more. I did not suffer a flashback. I didnt struggle with the tears that are always on the surface. I wasn't tortured by my memories. I cannot explain why I escaped these horrible memories, but I am grateful. And for the first time in nearly 30 years I feel a measure of freedom from those memories. I am grateful for that even more than I am for my physical health.

Book Challenges for 2010.

2009-12-25T22:23:00.001-07:00
Are any of you avid readers? I have found many book challenges for 2010, and signed up for 6 or 7 of them? I have a friend who will join me in at least some of them but I am inviting you to join me. I would love the opportunity to read your thoughts and reviews of books you read next year and to share mine with you. I have set up a book blog specifically for this purpose. It is entitled The Best Gifts Have Spines and Pages, and you can find it here: www.spinesandpages.blogspot.com

What does THANKFUL really mean?

2009-12-23T19:06:00.000-07:00
I know most people ask themselves this question in late November, but I find it to be even more applicable to my life now. So, here it is: What does THANKFUL mean? The dictionary says: thank-ful (thangk-full) adj. 1. aware and appreciative of a benefit; grateful 2. expressive of gratitude: a thankful smile Coloquially, in my mind it incluedes: 1. I am glad that I have it. 2. I am happy it makes my life easier. 3. That person makes me feel good. Today. 1. I am thankful for the home we have to shelter our family when so many are homeless. 2. I am glad for my husband's job which he loves and excels at. 3. I am happy to own such luxuries as a dishwasher, soft cotton towels, a hair dryer, and my new iPhone. 4. I am happy to have two children and a husband who are good, honest, compassionate and loving people. 5. I am thankful for books, Christmas music and ornaments which all have stories ahout our life together. 6. I am grateful for my friends and extended family who all give to me far more than they take from me. 7. I am grateful for my faith. There are a million other things -- small and big, and I am grateful. For what are you grateful today?

Childhood Dreams Realized

2009-12-21T22:30:00.000-07:00
I am currently engrossed in a wonderful book written by one of the queen's of the scrapbook world. The Big Picture by Stacy Julian. One particular layout struck my fancy today. She titled it Shattered Horse Dreams. It had one small picture of herself as a child on a horse. The rest was journeying. She wrote that she always dreamed of owning a horse when she grew up until she fell in love with a man who was an asthmatic. The layout was delicious; it portrayed the dreams of her child-self and the contentment that her life has actually brought to her life. There was no regret in her words. It simply illuminated a small glimpse into her childhood. This layout provoked the question: What were my childhood dreams and have I realized them? If you look to my School Years books in which my mom kept my school photos, report cards, memorabilia and in which I wrote my desires, you will see my childish scrawl writing my hope to be a 'stewardess'. Every year it was the same. I wanted to fly! I never considered the possibility that I might be a pilot (or have any other aircrew job). I was a girl. 'Girls' were 'stewardesses'. What mattered was that dream of travelling the world for my job. I am not a flight attendant, and I never even tried to achieve that position. What I did was far better. I flew! Yes, I certainly flew. But I did it while serving my country and in a position with much more knowledge of flight than I would have had in that long sought after job. I only served four years and I still regret it today. Except... now I have a dream realized AND a new dream formed and realized. The dream of motherhood. I think it is time for another dream...

Chanukah, Friends and New Inspiration

2009-12-18T23:00:00.000-07:00
This week has been full of life Outside My Window and that fills my heart with happiness. Monday brought the noisy din of happy 10 and 11 year old Girl Scouts to my home. It was our last meeting for 2009. The first half of our school year has passed quickly and we are looking forward to cookie sales the first week of January. I was also surprised by a knock at my door that day. I walked to my door expecting a UPS driver and instead was stunned to see my friend who has moved to New York. We only had a few precious moments but it was wonderful just the same. Tuesday I had a couple of hours with a friend and chips and salsa. The latter was yummy, but the conversation was even better. Together we discovered a mutual passion for books and have decided to join an online book challenge in 2010. (Maybe I will do more than one.) I followed that up with a treat for myself: a new haircut which I love! Wednesday evening was my monthly book club meeting. Pattie, Jamie, Krista, Marilyn, Sara and two newer members. They bring intelligent, insightful and sometimes silly conversation into my life. And then tonight our friends invited us to share the last night of Chanukah with them. The meal was wonderful and because she too is a scrapper I poked through two of her newest albums and discussed with her some online classes she has previously taken. I left with new motivation to challenge myself in my art. Five days full of love, friendship, shared passions and an opportunity to learn more about the beautiful traditions of Chanukah. It cannot get much better.

Forensics and New Evidences of Maturity.

2009-12-13T18:58:00.000-07:00
Owen is on the brink... a boy of 13. No longer a child. Nowhere near manhood. On the precipice of true adolescence. Each day is a new experience; a new struggle. Sometimes the growing pains prove to be difficult for me. I find that his 'attitude' sometimes causes me great frustration, and often I react in anger. It is that word again. React. I wish that more often I would breathe, think and act rather than react. Thus the growing pains. It is not only my son who struggles with them. It is me. I am being forced to grow as a parent, and sometimes I do it only by being dragged into it while kicking and screaming. But yesterday my son provided me with evidence of maturity. It was a good day without those pesky growing pains. So, what happened? Forensics. The first tournament was yesterday. Owen competed and won the 6th place trophy. But, although I am proud of that win, it is not the evidence of which I speak. The first round was a difficult one for Owen. He forgot parts of his piece and fed the wrong lines to his partner. I watched him with a pit in my stomach. I left feeling sure their chances for the podium were gone, and sure that round 2 would be much the same. In the past Owen has struggled to change course once it was set. When he performed badly once it was certain to continue. If things began poorly, they continued poorly. So I was sure he would follow that path. Here is the wonderful evidence of maturity; of the path he is following as he grows: Owen performed well in the second round. He set aside his disappointment and he performed. This is a difficult feat for adults. So it is lovely to see from my child The road to adulthood. The growing pains will continue. I may even encounter them tomorrow, and if so I hope I will act. I hope I will avoid the folly of reacting. But in this moment I am content to revel in the beauty of yesterday.

Snow Days and the Struggles of a Friend

2009-12-08T13:33:00.001-07:00
Today's view Outside my Window is a literal one. I am snuggled in the warm cushions of my loveseat still in my flannel pajamas and glad not to be out in the cold. Today's high temperature is to be MINUS 1 degree. And the wind chill puts us at minus 11! What??? We are in Colorado now, not Michigan. So today I will not be seeing much outside the walls of my home, and it leads me to ponder my own thoughts. So, here is another glimpse Inside My Heart. I have a friend. She is a woman I know only a little; she is in my little world but I have not had enough opportunities to get to know her. She is a lovely woman and she is facing some difficult and trying health concerns. The worst of it is she is undiagnosed. Most people do not know the anxiety of having serious health complications which affect every aspect of life. Even fewer know wht it means to have those problems and not know the reason. Undiagnosed. This status is the worst there is. Most of us can learn to face whatever it is that we must face. We are told the worst and once the shock ebbs we learn to cope. But, when we do not know what it is we are facing we do not cope well. It is a status of limbo. Fear and anxiety take hold and our minds conjure pictures of the worst outcome. Beyond that we often face a crazy thing from others. As time passes and we continue to live without a diagnosis people begin to think we are 'making it up'. They treat us as though we are a bit crazy, and cease to have compassion. So not only do we have these horrible symptoms of illness; our world shrinks and we feel as though we no longer have anyone who (whom?) we can trust and on whom we can rely. I worry about my friend. I believe that she is starting to feel this frustration and is facing it with few people who understand. She is on my mind and in my heart. I 'get it'. I know those feelings. I know that awful word. Undiagnosed. So, today I am pondering... how do I best help my friend? How do I help her face the fear and feel that she is not in this status alone? How do I best share my 8 years of experience with her? Ideas are welcome.

The wonderful world of OTHER PEOPLE'S blogs!

2009-12-07T00:12:00.000-07:00
It has been an eventful weekend following a slothful week. And lately I am not a blog writer but a blog stalker. I am having a great deal of fun reading blogs ... of those I know and of those I don't. I have found an entire universe of blogs dedicated to scrapbooking and another one dedicated to reading. I have found sketch challenges for scrapbooking and already utilized one sketch which has allowed me to get one layout closer to finishing my 2008 album which I have been working on forever. And who knew there would be reading challenges to take on for the coming year? I am going to challenge myself this coming year to read more, write more, think more, do more... All these wonderful blogs have entertained me and given me inspiration for my two favorite hobbies. However they have also led to what I referred to above ... a slothful week. I am going into this week with a strategy. I will dedicate certain amounts of time to blogging by setting a timer and when it goes off I am done. I will accomplish one layout for that never ending book of 2008. I will set aside a sum of time each day to do those everyday chores. And I will finish decorating my house which looks as though Christmas exploded inside it. Hmmm... can I really do this? Or will I find myself lost in another blog written by some talented person I will never meet? I hope I do not discover a third universe of blogs to follow. I wonder... is there a universe full of 40+ women in love with their childhood idol and writing about those silly 70s? The weekend... well it was filled with Girl Scouts, church and a poor sweet daughter.

Emily got it right again:

2009-12-02T15:01:00.001-07:00
Had I Not Seen the Sun by Emily Dickinson Had I not seen the Sun I could have borne the shade But Light a Newer Wilderness My wilderness has made --

My view today. A sunny December.

2009-12-01T21:59:00.000-07:00
December dawned and we were graced with sunshine. Sunny days (not necessarily warm days) are the days I live for. I have always been affected negatively by gray and cloudy skies and my mood instantly lifts when the sun is out. If you ask me for a short list of favorite pop songs one instantly comes to mind: "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves. If that song plays I drop everything, raise the volume, dance and sing. I am happy. December started with sunshine. Snow will fall and gray skies will arrive, so my question is how do I keep my view sunny? I like lists. I like them too much. I even wrote about my endless lists. So, here is the funny thing. I am writing another list. My list of things to do to keep my view sunny. 1. Make the house a place of holiday celebration so that I love being inside even if the shades are closed from the world. 2. Spend quiet moments alone in contemplation of my faith, my love, my goals, my belief system, and the things which lead me to have a positive attitude. 3. Sing along with my stereo or iPhone at least once a day. 4. Complete my 2008 scrapbook before the end of the month so I can have a sense of accomplishment and pride that I get whenever I finish a scrapbook project. 5. Open the blinds, curtains, windows and doors whenever the sun is out. 6. Seek my favorite memories and write them. What things would you put on your list of things to do to improve your view?

Grateful.

2009-11-23T23:13:00.000-07:00
This is a short list of the things for which I am grateful. 1. The health and happiness of my children. 2. The love of my husband, which has been tested in so many ways over the years. 3. My extended family -- both the one to whom I am related by blood and the one to whom I am related by marriage. The latter has accepted me in spite of my crazy ways and have taught me that the word family encompasses far more than I realized. 3. A comfortable home in which I have created my nest. 4. The things for which I am often ungrateful, and treat as an expectation rather than a privilege. (Indoor plumbing, clean and safe drinking water, accesible information, electricity, soft towels and sheets, good tennis shoes, and so much more). 5. My camera, my Kindle and my iPod Shuffle. These items are treasured more than I think they ought to be. I love them. 6. The ability to scrapbook, which is my favorite creative outlet. 7. My mother-in-law who has been equal to my own mother in her ability to make me feel cherished and cared for. 8. Our computer. 9. The three babies I lost, as they taught me more than I can explain. 10. The Gospel. I rarely talk about religion but my faith is important to me and has been a great source of comfort through the last 7 years of health problems. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Please share some of the things for which you are most grateful.

Motherhood and the moments which remind me.

2009-11-20T14:55:00.001-07:00
A glimpse inside my heart. Last night my first-born child competed with 34 other kids in the school Geography Bee. It was one of those experiences in life when I realize how difficult it can be to hold the title "mom". I sat with Greg and Cora surrounded by families of the other kids, and with each question the tension rose. Not for Owen -- but for me. It is difficult to have no control over what happens next for your child; to worry that he will end up with a broken heart. I remember how devastated I was to lose as a child. I know that disappointment is normal, but sometimes disappointment feels heavier when you are a child. That weighed heavily on me while watching my son last night. I needn't have worried. Owen was composed and smiling, and I could see it in his eyes that he could have answered any of the questions posed to the other kids as well as those that were his to answer. Still, inside my head was a running tally of how many questions he got right as compared to the other children. There is some kind of strange thing that happens in these moments and you find yourself cheering against the kids who aren't your own. It isn't something which I enjoyed. However it was also one of the experiences in life which heighten the love of one's child. Owen enjoyed the process. I could see him thinking about each question. I could see the smile on his face whenever he knew the answer. And I could see that he is not only a bright child, but he also enjoys the surprises which life brings. He is compassionate and despite being happy to rise above the competition he empathized with the other children who were disappointed. In the end Owen came in second. He missed the final question in the championship round and ironically the answer to the question was "Greece". If you know my son you know this answer would seem to be his 'Least Likely to Miss' question. Is he disappointed? Of course. But he is also happy. His reaction is exactly the one I would have hoped for him to have. He is a good kid and I am proud once again to be his mom.

Snowy Sunday Haiku

2009-11-15T16:12:00.000-07:00
My friend Denise has inspired me over the past year to revive my love of Haiku. For those of you unfamiliar with this style of verse, it is a Japanese form of poetry characterized this way: It has three lines. The first has 5 syllables, the second has 7 syllables and the third has five syllables. Traditionally Haiku was written about nature. I have followed that path today. This snowy Sunday, clouds hang low hiding the peak. Peaceful, quiet day.

Love of Books Re-KINDLEd.

2009-11-06T16:17:00.000-07:00
I have a love affair with books. I don't just read them; I devour them. You will rarely find me without a book. There are many times when I know it is not likely I will have an opportunity to indulge in the pages of whichever book I am reading at that moment. It doesnt matter, because the idea of not having a book with me when one of those moments surfaces is hideous to me. So, everywhere you find me you are sure to find a book. But as I have grown older my eyes (which have always been bad) also grew older. Last year I found that I needed trifocals. Unfortunately I have not adjusted well to that change. And as a result of being unable to see, my passion for books faced crisis. Yes, you can buy recorded books, but have you checked out the price? Have you seen how small that section of the library is? No, it wasn't a viable option. And so I continued to read... at a much slowere pace than ever before. Then came Kindle! Mine is named Trixie and she has reKindled my affair with the written word. I love my Kindle. Why? I will give you my list. Yes, this is sort of a commercial - sorry for that. But of all the things I own, the Kindle is my favorite, so I have to share it with you.
I can carry many books at once. Last summer we went to Rocky Mountain National Park. Due to my foot and ankle issues I knew I would be unable to hike as much as my family. So I packed my Kindle. The first day we chose a trail knowing I would hike in about 1/2 mile, and that Greg and the kids would hike another mile before turning back. I gave Greg my Kindle and he tucked it into his backpack. We arrived at my desitnation and I made myself a comfortable place to sit. Greg dug out from his backpack more than 40 books -- all in a package that weighed less than a poiund! I will say though, that I didnt read very much. I was too busy sharing my Kindle with passersby.

I am reading books from genres new to me. Many authors sell their books for very low prices to gain new readers in the e-book world. Who wouldnt download a book for a penny?

I can read the classics for free! You can find hundreds of books for free... the classics and much more.

No more hand cramps. I tend to read often in bed or on the couch and my hands soon cramp from the weight of the book. The Kindle is incredibly lightweight and in the past 7 months I have not had a single hand cramp.

No more lost pages. The Kindle remembers where I left off last.

Oxford dictionary and Wikipedia. When I need to look up a word I simply place my curser in front of it and the Kindle automatically opens the dictionary to that word and provides me the definition! If I want more, I can go to Wikipedia in a flash.

Immediate download of books.

I can listen! If I am washing dishes and in a good place in my book, I just turn on the Text to Speech option, and Trixie reads to me!

No eyes strain. I can change the font size to a larger size that is friendly to my old eyes, and the e-ink technology is fantastic. My eyes are never sore, even after hours with the book.

Yep, I am blessed to have back my obsession, my adoration, my immense loveaffair ... with books!
ReKINDLEd!

Possesions Past (and Future?)

2009-11-05T00:44:00.000-07:00

I am not entirely sure why, but recently I seem to be finding many memories of childhood hiding behind every door.

As I begin shopping this holiday season I am recalling the moments in my childhood when I was surprised and elated by Christmas gifts that I had secretly yearned for. I was unusual in that I never told anyone what I wanted despite my mom’s efforts to cajole a list out of me. I believed it would be greedy to ask for things I wanted. The irony in that is my most desired items were quite inexpensive.

Many children crawl beneath their trees carefully unwrapping and re-wrapping the gifts on which they located their names. Some did not go quite so far, but they did seek to know if they had the largest gift, or if their beautifully wrapped packages rattled. My brother was among that group. I cannot say I did not sneak under any trees. I certainly did. But I did not look for large gifts or gifts that rattled. No, I felt the edges of each gift hoping to find… spines! Yes. I hoped that I would receive books. I still adore books though I read more of them on my beloved Kindle now than I do on the variety that I sought all those years ago.

For several years I followed a particular girl detective. Her name was not Nancy. The girl I followed had blond curly hair, freckles, three brothers, and several friends. Her name was Trixie Belden. She lived in New York on a lovely little farm known as Happy Valley Farm. I adored Trixie and read her books so often that I could still tell you the stories. Unfortunately those beloved books found their way into the trash after I entered the Air Force. If you see any of her books in the little antique shops or used book stores… look for the 70s version (not the icky paperbacks from the 80s). If they are in good condition I would reimburse you in a heartbeat. For those who are knowledgeable, these are the “Uglies” editions. They may have been ugly or cheaply made compared to earlier editions. But they were mine and I loved them.

Oh, there were other gifts I adored. Of course anything that involved Donny was a big hit, as you must have figured out if you read an earlier post.
But I also loved the Spirograph, the loom on which I made multitudes of ugly potholders and my first Brownie camera. I do still have that last item. When I decided the Spirograph would be something my kids loved I began the search. I was sad to learn that they no longer exist. Well, actually they do exist but they are a horrible imitation of the original. So, now I am on the hunt for the original Spirograph too. What were your favorite toys and possessions of childhood?

Cooking and Creativity

2009-11-03T22:51:00.000-07:00
I have never been our family cook. That is Greg's domain. He is a fabulous cook who learned from the best cook I have ever known - his mom. However at times it does make me feel like I am a slouch, when he has to come home from work and then make dinner. And, I have noticed a certain quality in the (mostly) women I know who arre in charge of their family meals. They are both organized and creative. They use the best of both the left and right hemispheres of their brains. Today I decided to give it a try and I hope I can continue to expand my knowledge of the art and science of cooking. I hope that all my friends and family will share their knowledge with me. But tonight I will share my first success! We had two heads of cabbage in our refrigerator which we needed to eat. So, I made a salad which I found on the internet with one head. Then I took the other and lightly steamed large leaves of cabbage. I then cooked turkey sausage with carrots, and rice. Finally I made an easy Asian sauce which my CSA farmer taught me how to make, and spread it on the cabbage before rolling it up. Everyone in my family loved them, it was very healthy and I felt great. It was a win. Now, would you help me earn my next one please?

Yes, I Can -- Air Force memories

2009-10-30T20:10:00.000-06:00
I grew up with a love of aircraft. My dad had served in the Air Force before I was born as a crew chief, first on B-57s and then on the U2. His job was fascinating to me and I loved to hear is wonderful stories about his time on Eniwetok during Atomic Bomb testing and the crazy things that happened with the U2 before it even had markings. (Think SR-71 Blackbird in the '60s and '70s.) I don't remember when it started, I only recall that I always loved flight. Every year I filled out the survey in my School Years book and one of the questions asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Of course it was multiple choice and had different answers for boys and girls. The boys were given the following choices: President, Fireman, Police Officer, Pilot and Doctor. While girls had these choices: Nuse, Teacher and Stewardess. For those of you younger than I a stewardess is a flight attendant. I always checked this box. However, this the first important question to which I was told, I couldn't do it because I was "too...", In this case I was too female. Later - in junior high - CB radios were widely popular. My family owned a home radio as well as car units. We joined CB clubs and you could often find me running radio control. I absolutely loved that radio and nearly every night you could find me on it for part of the evening. It was the first thing I ever loved nearly as much as I loved flight. With my passions in mind it should not surprise you to know that I was thrilled when I was sworn into the Air Force with the job of radio communications. Off to boot camp I went, on November 16, 1981. (This is another story but is also another example of "you can't do that".) That was followed by Tech School where I trained for my job. Another 8 weeks later and I was accepted into school to be an Airborne Communications Systems Operator. To get there I had to achieve a 98 percent grade in the first tech school and have an instructor recommend. But the moment I knew that job was available I set my mind to it. What could be better than a job which combined my two childhood passions?
Training was wonderful except for one thing, most aircraft were not open to women... especially those that were most interesting. The Strategic Air Command had many planes open to women -- at certain bases. But the Tactical Air Command had the more sexy aircraft. They had planes which would allow me to travel the world. Planes which were sleek; which were what I now would term 'hot'. I wanted to fly in the Tactical Air Command. If there were ever a time when I felt defeated byt the "you can't do that" mentality of the world, that was the time. You cannot change your gender.

Soon our class received our orders. Most of the men received orders to go to Tinker AFB in Oklahoma. They would fly on the E-3, AWACS. They would travel the world and spend their lives living out of a flight bag and eating exotic foods. I received orders to Offut AFB to fly on a C-130. The adage among fly-boys was Awful Offut, and "fly around the flagpole'. Where would I travel? Certainly not to Saudi Arabia or Iceland. No, I would fly missions from my home base with far fewer days TDY. I was extremely jealous.
I began a campaign -- I call it Beg the Higher-Ups to Change Policy. I wrote letters to the President and Congress. I talked to flight instructors, recruiters and everyone else who was in the know. Would that accomplish anything? Of course not. I was female. A girl. A 19 year old girl! But I was determined and so, if nothing else, every person who knew me (or even met me more than once) would know that I wanted to fly in the Tactical Air Command. Specifically, I wanted to fly AWACS.

Then a minor miracle happened. TAC opened its doors to women on certain aircraft. And AWACS was one of them. I received new orders the same day! Maybe the person making assignments did not want to hear me beg again. I will never know and I don't care. I had the orders I wanted. I was no longer "too female", and I was thrilled.
I would arrive in Oklahoma in June 1982 as the first female assigned to an air crew on AWACS. There are many more stories to go with that assignment, and many of them do revolve around me being "too female" but that was a handicap which I overcame, and those stories will be told another time.

What was my answer to flight?

"Yes, I Can!

Yes, I can -- the first in a series

2009-10-30T19:52:00.000-06:00

I believe. There are many things I believe in. I believe in the enormous capacity of my heart to love. I believe that people are more good than bad and there is vast generosity everyday. I believe in kindness, hope, honestly, loyalty and effort. I believe that I can do my best, or not, and either way it is my choice. But one particular phrase has is my philosophy of life. “Yes, I can.”

"You're too..." Throughout my life, I have been told about the things I couldn’t do. Usually it is phrased something like this: “You’re too young, too old, too female, too quiet, too loud, too smart, too friendly, too, too, too…” Once in a while they say “Don’t get your hopes up.”

These are the ways people try to be polite but discouraging; they think they are doing me a favor. No, they don’t step forward and say “You can’t do that.” But, really, they are saying, “You can’t do that.” It isn’t very encouraging.

Encouraging myself. But, Mark Twain once said, “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” I agree with Mr. Clemens. I believe life is too short to live amongst small people. It is important to surround yourself with people who are amazing and to let them encourage you to be your very best, as well. I also believe that sometimes that is impossible and that is when you must encourage yourself. I believe anyone can do anything they want to do and this includes me. I have done it many times I have done the things that people warned me I was “too …” to do. In this series I am going to explore some of my “Yes, I Can” moments. Please share with me some of yours.

Skeletons in your closet

2009-10-28T20:21:00.000-06:00
Halloween is nearing and with it comes a slew of memories surrounding the spooky holiday. Over the years I have eaten tons of the sugary stuff, uttered the phrase 'trick-or-treat' with the hopes of scoring something especially good, stuck my face in ice water chasing an elusive apple, and worn multiple plastic masks with holes through which I could peek while hopefully avoiding tripping over branches, roots and other children. Halloween is filled with child-friendly ritual. Now I am the mom and my job is to purchase said sugary stuff and toss it into plastic pumpkins and pillowcases thrust forward eagerly by princesses, pirates, and all manner of cute and ghoulish pint-sized characters. As we make our plans for Cora who has borrowed a lovely Pocahontas costume this year, I am remembering. Every year I hoped to dress as a Princess. Not any particular princess, and certainly not a Disney princess. Costumes weren't so specific in my childhood. (Although one year my brother was the most adorable Casper the Friendly Ghost.) I simply wanted to wear a frilly pink dress with lots of lace and a glittery crown. I wanted to fee beautiful, and in my mind that costume was the magic ticket to be the fairest girl on the block. It did not matter that October 31st in South Dakota meant covering myself head-to=toe with warm coats and other woolens. When I was 7 or 8 my mother was hospitalized in the days leading up to Halloween. As was true for most children of the day, moms were generally responsible for the purchase of costumes. The day snuck up on us, and as it turned out my dad completely forgot it was Halloween. When he stopped to visit my mom after work she questioned why he was not at home dressing my brother and I for the annual begging of candy from the neighbors. My dad rushed to the nearest store seeking costumes for Bob and myself, finding one in each appropriate size. I was not a princess. The pretty pink dresses had sold out long before that fateful Halloween eve. Nope. I was a skeleton. A skeleton does not lead a girl to feel pretty. But it was worse than that. I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. I had knock-knees, glasses, and I was horribly skinny. My constant accesory was a book and I got perfect grades, but I had no ability to do anything physical. I was always the last pick on the playground and the kids taunted me by labelling me a skeleton. And now I had to dress as one? What kind of crazy irony was that? I sobbed my heart out and my poor dad now had a wife struggling with a sick heart and a heart-sick child. Somehow he got me out the door to fill my pumpkin with that beloved sugary stuff, and I came away with my only real 'story' to tell my children about Halloween-past. There must be a photo somewhere...

Random thoughts

2009-10-26T16:04:00.000-06:00
Some random thoughts that have passed through my mind on this particular Sunday... 1. I love the movie "The Sound of Music", and prefer the mountains to the beach. But, I cannot sing, even when I am on a mountain-top. I wish that I were a singer though. 2. If I write about my thoughts will it cause my friends and family concern because they see how little I really do? :) 3. Why eat spaghetti noodles when you can have spaghetti squash? 4. I wish that I could tour the country and the world with my family and experience the sites known to the locals rather than the tourists, so we could experience the culture of each location. 5. If I write another post about music, or about another childhood memory, will that bore you to tears?

Our view out the window today.

2009-10-22T15:35:00.000-06:00
The early morning view in our neck of the woods. I love where we live. I have been a resident of SD, IA, TX, MS, OK, MI, NY, and CO. There is something to love at each of these places. But this is the first place I have lived where I hope to stay the rest of my life. The view alone makes this place heaven on earth.

First Loves, Crushes and Celebrities

2009-10-21T21:39:00.000-06:00
Do you remember your first love? How about your first crush? More aptly, do you remember your first celebrity crush? You were probably about 9 or 10 years old if Cora and I are any indication. For her it is a crush on three cute, dark haired, teenage boys known by their last name. You must know who I am talking about... right?
That's right. Cora's first crush is on three boys named Kevin, Joe and Nick. They are cute, but... well, my first love is much better. He was also cute, dark-haired and wildly popular with the pre-teen and teenage girls. The odd thing is he is now 51 and a grandfather but he is still a cute, dark-haired boy. And I love him. Yes, I know I wrote that in the present tense.

My best memories of childhood revolve around him. I papered my bedroom walls with pictures that I carefully removed from issues of Tiger Beat and 16, which I purchased with money I earned from babysitting. In the 70s that was generally between 50 cents and 1 dollar an hour. At Christmas time I would visit with cousins that I hadn't seen in months and we would argue over who was cuter: Donny Osmond, David Cassidy or Bobby Sherman. The answer, of course was Donny Osmond! Sheesh, everyone who was smart knew that!
Donny and his brothers defined an entire generation of girls which at that time we referred to as Teenyboppers. It was the 70s. It was an era hip-huggers, bell bottoms, peace sign belts and fringe reigned supreme. If something was good it was "groovy". Oh, and boys looked like... well, girls. But we didn't care. That was probably because we couldn't see. Our own hair was long, straight and parted in the middle so that it generally hung in front of our eyes. And, no we didn't constantly braid it like Marsha, Jan and Cindy on the Brady Bunch. Ok, so Bobby Sherman and David Cassidy also had great songs that made my little heart go pitter-pat. But there is no song as great for a little girl as "Puppy Love". In fact, Cora now has it on her iPod. I had it on a 45 record which I bought with $1.00 that I earned from my uncle Chuck. The technology has changed but the emotions of a little girl listening to the high, clear tones of that boy have not. Actually though I loved the songs "The Twelfth of Never" and "Sweet and Innocent" even better. I knew he was singing those songs to me. Heck, even the Ouija board said I would marry him. Talk about a shock when he married a pretty blonde girl from Utah named Debbie. What happened? He was mine.
I remember when The Osmond Brothers came in concert to Denver. I would have happily died the day after the concert if it meant I would get to go see him sing. Unfortunately a ticket to a concert was not in my family's budget, so I had to skip it.
Many years later -- 1996 to be exact -- I was living in Detroit with my husband. I was pregnant with my first child, due in the summer. I learned that Donny was touring with the Broadway show Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and they would be in the city that September. I immediately purchased tickets. My parents-in-law, Greg and I would go, and I would finally see Donny live! We hired a babysitter for the first time and drove downtown to a beautiful old theatre where I looked at the marquee and it said.... starring Sam Harris. What??? I did not want to see Sam Harris. I especially did not want to see him in a loin cloth. There is nothing wrong with Sam Harris. In fact, he is a talented guy. But I was there to see Donny (in a loin cloth at that)! I enjoyed that show and that date, but it was horribly disappointing. I would have to live another 12 years for another opportunity. But last September I flew to Las Vegas met my friend Debbie there and we saw Donny & Marie put on a fantastic show. I was thrilled. And yes, he did sing "Puppy Love" and "Sweet and Innocent"! We bought the best tickets. We sat right there in the front row where I could practically reach out and touch him, and followed that up with a meet and greet. We stood in line with a bunch of other children of the 70s for our chance to shake their hands, maybe even grab a hug, and say our hellos. I knew what I wanted to say. I had it all planned out.
Debbie and I got to the front of the line and walked up to my first love. I said "hello". I do remember that. But I don't remember anything else. I was in shock, completely overcome, star struck. Debbie talked to them both sharing things about herself and complimenting them on things she had seen. She laughed, and even leaned over and kissed my love on the cheek! When our moments were over I walked away feeling exhilarated and deflated at the same time. I had not told Donny that he got me through some very tough moments in my childhood like I wanted to. I had not told him that I too suffered from anxiety. I had not told Marie that I loved her on Dancing With the Stars. Or, maybe I did. I don't remember.

A year has passed and I am ready to go again. So, what do you think? Are you interested?

So, back to Cora. Will she still love The Jonas Brothers when she is 47? Somehow I doubt it, though I know she will have good memories of childhood that center around them. But she is not completely taken with them. She doesn't spend all her allowance buying nothing but Jonas paraphernalia. Besides, the fact is that nobody else is Donny Osmond. Not Bobby Sherman or David Cassidy; not even the Jonas Brothers. They just don't make them like Donny any more, even if he is a grandfather.

Can a square peg fit in a round hole?

2009-10-21T13:40:00.000-06:00
Nearly 16 years ago I met my husband. At the time I was 31 and he was only 24. Those numbers never bothered Greg. He thought nothing of it, but they worried me. Twenty four sounded very, very young. But my heart knew something my mind could not accept immediately: I fit into his heart and he into mine. Quickly thereafter we were engaged (six weeks to be exact), and I began meeting his family. First I met his parents, his brother and fiance', his other brother, and his paternal grandparents. We arrived at his parents' home and I was immediately overwhelmed. The house was larger than any home I had ever seen. It was obvious that our financial backgrounds were drastically different. Yet that home was warm and comfortable and inviting. I realized that I could be comfortable there. His dad was active in the political community and it was obvious that we also came from very different political backgrounds. His mom was (and is) the best cook I had ever met. Her home was immaculate. She baked her own bread and arranged her own flowers and decorated her own cakes and ran her home like a well-oiled machine. I had never met a woman who was so good at what she did in her home before. It was obvious that the families we grew up with were completely different. But my heart knew something which my mind couldn't: I fit into their home and they into mine. Later I met the maternal side of his family. I learned that his grandma, cousins, aunts and uncles were a tight-knit, close and loving group. And they were much like his parents. The men were succesful, funny, intelligent and conservative. The women stayed home with their kids and made impecable homes. They were also bright, funny and educated. I had not grown up with the idea that I would, or could, stay home with kids. I did not grow up expecting to get an education after high school. As I grew older the prospect of being a stay-at-home mom became less likely. It was not something I had ever expected, planned, known or even wanted. I was a lawyer, a woman who expected to work outside the home for the rest of my life. I did not have the tools to be a good stay-at-home mom. I honestly had no idea how to make that work. My mom was not a cook or a baker. She was not organized in our home and did not know how to arrange flowers or throw parties. I was a square peg in a round hole and I wasn't sure I would ever fit. But that family hugged me, laughed with me and loved me. I have never stopped feeling like a square peg, but I have learned that sometimes a square peg does fit in a round hole. My heart knew something that my mind struggled to accept: These lovely people fit into my heart. Now I am a stay-at-home mom and still feel a bit inept. I don't know how to organize myself in my home, so it always is in a state of partial organization. I am not a great cook. In fact, Greg does most of our cooking. There are no perfectly arranged flowers or fresh baked loaves of bread in my home. I have no driver's license so I am not able to drive my kids to their activities and if I am honest about that I don't relish the idea anyway. My kids are loved immensely by their dad and by me. I think they are beautiful human beings and I am proud of my part in raising them. But I do miss thinking about legal ramifications of certain business and tax arrangements for large companies ... I miss working. And I know that I am not the best stay-at-home mom. It isn't the job I expected to have or trained for. I am a square peg in the round hole that is this job and this family. But, my heart knows something that my mind never trained for: Somehow I fit.

Endless Lists

2009-10-20T14:06:00.000-06:00
My life is a series of events all of which I procrastinate. I am a fantastic list-maker. I write everything down in detail. For example currently I need to call my doctor to ask that he write a prescription which has no more refills. This morning I wrote it on my very lengthy to-do list. I realize that in the moments it took to locate my list and write the words "call doctor to refill prescription - need a 30 day scrip and a 90 day to mail order" I could have called said doctor. So why do I write lists instead of doing the chore? What could I be doing right now? Dishes, laundry, dusting, putting away a bunch of paperwork, organizing Girl Scout things. Oh, and that phone call! What WILL I do right now? I will probably continue to work on getting this blog up while I think about doing the dishes and laundry and dusting and all those other things that are on my list. Do any of you have this problem? How do you solve it?

Why Blog?

2009-10-19T14:31:00.000-06:00

My life occurs inside my home, but the view out my window is spectacular. I am seldom out in the world which leads to much introspection about what it means to me to be a wife, a mother, a friend, a child of God, and a woman. I have considered starting a blog for a while now but never knew where to even begin. Should I write about my family and share their stories? A family blog seems to be the most common blog I have seen among the people I know. And yet, as the author I felt that perhaps this was an opportunity to share myself. So, I have decided to share life Outside My Window and Inside My Heart. The Things I love, ponder, question, and detest. The things I accomplish. And of course, the stories of my family. I hope you will enjoy these musings.