Nearly 48

I will be 48 on October 2nd. The last few days I have been considering that number a great deal. It sounds old, and yet I feel young(ish). I don't feel 10+ years older than the other parents of kids at the schools, but I am. When did it happen?

When my mom was 48 I was 27. I was nearly 30. She had me at 21 and I had my kids when I was 33 and 36.

I have been dwelling on that number. Turning 30 and then 40 didn't bother me at all. I breezed through the decade marker with nary a thought about whether I was getting old. So why does a silly number like 48 bother me so much?

My grandma died when she was 78 and my mom when she was 62. I am not so very far from those numbers. Is it the thought of old age or death that bothers me? I truly do not know. But, I will ponder it and write about it and hopefully process it.

In the meantime I plan to make a list of 48 things for which I am grateful today. I will start it today, and add to the list during the next 12 days until I reach 48.

Have any birthdays bothered you?