Monday, March 15, 2010
When kids get their feelings hurt
The hardest thing about being a mom (in my opinion) is that sometimes I must see my children get their feelings hurt and there is nothing I can do. I can only give them a little extra attention and try to explain the actions of other children. It is a situation which I never feel I have handled properly. I saw my ineptitude again tonight.
Cora has a friend -- someone she considers her best friend. Tonight she learned that her friend is planning a small birthday party and didnt invite Cora. It sounded as though the friend can only invite 2 or 3 girls. But if Cora could invite only one girl this would be the girl. I saw that Cora was hurt by the fact that she wasnt on the list of three girls invited.
How do you help a child deal with hurt like that? I think I do everything wrong. This time I explained that her friend probably knew we would be gone for spring break and so she didnt even ask. But, is that helpful? Or did I make things worse than they already were? And what will happen next year when they all move to the middle school? Will these events happen more often?
How do you handle similar situations? What would your response to this particular situation be? And how do you keep your children's pain from becoming your own pain?
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2 comments:
You can't keep your children from all pain, especially that inflicted on them from others, it's part of learning to navigate in the real world.
I wonder about the parents of children who allow their kids to be cruel in this way, surely this child's mother knows your daughter is a close friend to her daughter.
When I've been faced with the situation of one of my daughters' friends hurting them,(I have three they are all grown now, and they have survived just fine), I would tell them that they have a choice with this person and they are the one who has to decide whether it is worth having a relationship with someone who is going to be hurtful or not.
You can't claim yourself to be a victim over and over if you choose to be friends with someone who is going to be hurtful over and over.
If your daughter is getting ready to go into middle school, then this is the right time to learn this lesson because it only gets worse in middle school and high school, and the hurting at those levels can get brutal.
hi, Kelly...i have been meaning to check out this blog...this is Vanessa aka Vince (the E. Goldman in my name is a reference to the anarchist/feminist Emma Goldman, one of my all time she-roes!)
i am sorry to hear what happened with Cora, and that you felt like you did not handle it well. i am sure you did the best you could, there's often not an easy way to deal with these sorts of things.
i was often the left out kid when i was growing up, so i know how Cora feels. Please give her some hugs from "auntie Vanessa" if you don't mind. Both she and Owen are totally adorable!!!
i may never have kids of my own per se, but i do love children in general so much...tonight i am gonna get so see my grandkid Haley who i love so much!!!! (she is the child of one of my spouse's children from her first marriage).
anyway, i am sure you are doing your best just as my parents did their best for me.
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