Fun, A Mother's Pride and A Remembered Fallen Building

It is April 18, 2010 and the clock is rapidly moving towards the change in date to the 19th. Tomrrow marks the 15th Anniversary of the Murrah building bombing. It was a day of shock, sadness and worry for me. I was well familiarized with that building. Oklahoma City was my home for four years and Norman for another four. I have people I love there ... people for whom I was worried. I felt the bombing as the media coverage began in Michigan. It rocked me. That day 15 years ago also preceded my wedding by only three days. So, though tomorrow will be a day filled with memories of a sad and tragic day I am also looking towards the day three days later when I can celebrate with my husband. It is such a blessing to be here, together, all these years later. On a lighter note it was a weekend filled with lovely moments for our family. Cora and Greg had a daddy-daughter dance date, Cora and I had a mother-daughter 'tea' date, Owen competed and won the Public Forum Debate tournament yesterday, AND I spent 8 hours crafting with friends! It was a lovely weekend and I am grateful for family and friends. My word this week: GRATITUDE.

I Gave up Brad Pitt for Grandchildren.

Back in the spring and summer of 1996 I was expecting my first child. Lets be honest though the fun part of having children is having grandchildren. Right? While I loved the fact that I was now a mommy, my body did not. I spent much of that time on bedrest. And during the time when I was not on bedrest my activity was still restricted. Greg was working at Blockbuster Video as an assistant manager, and so I spent much of my time sitting behind the counter alphabetizing movies to be restocked once they were returned. It was mindless work but it allowed me to be 'in the world', not secluded in my home by myself. I loved it. One day I walked into the store to see a life-size cardboard cutout of Tristan Ludlow -- the incredibly beautiful (HOT) character played by Brad Pit in the movie Legends of the Fall. Oh geez! I had to have that thing. Immediately! I told the manager that when it was time to take down Brad he was mine. For weeks I reminded him that he could not give that poster to anyone else who asked. And many asked! One night I was home sleeping before Greg got home after closing the store. (The fact that I slept was a miracle in itself, but that is another story.) Greg brought me the gift of Brad Pitt! Now that is love! Unfortunately I was pregnant and fighting pre-term labor. Pregnant women need to make many, many trips to the restroom. And that night was no excepting. Around 4am I made my second nightly trip, and as I entered the hallway I caught a glimpse of a man standing in the doorway of the nursery. It startled me so much that I nearly wet my pajamas. Then I realized it was not a stranger; it was Brad. "OH, its only Brad", I said to myself. Lovely. He was lovely. The next trip to the restroom, I was equally as frightened by a man in the nursery. "OH, its only Brad", I repeated, smiling. However, I never remembered. I never stopped being startled. Brad made me smile during my waking hours, but at night he scared me to death. Who would think that would be possible? I mean really! Brad in my house at night. That should make me smile! Finally I realized it was time to say goodbye to Brad. If I kept Brad... well, I would give up those grandchildren. And that could not happen! So sadly Brad left my home and I havent seen him since. I have looked for him on eBay, but he is not there. I suppose no other woman was forced to make the choice between Brad and her future grandchildren. And, so, Brad is staying in those homes. I may never see Brad again. But Owen has been given his orders. He will give me grandchildren. :)

LOVE: Elizabeth vs. Dorothy

Two takes on love. Both poems resonate with truth. Which is most true? How Do I Love Thee? How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of everyday's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with a passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death. by Elizabeth Barrett Browning To A Much Too Unfortunate Lady He will love you presently If you be the way you be. Send your heart a-skittering. He will stoop, and lift the thing. Be your dreams as thread, to tease Into patterns he shall please. Let him see your passion is Ever tenderer than his.... Go and bless your star above, Thus are you, and thus is Love. He will leave you white with woe, If you go the way you go. If your dreams were thread to weave He will pluck them from his sleeve. If your heart had come to rest, He will flick it from his breast. Tender though the love he bore, You had loved a little more.... Lady, go and curse your star, Thus Love is, and thus you are. by: Dorothy Parker

Sunshine & Warmth OR Snow & Wind?

BOTH. Every place I have lived in the world (and those places are many) it has been said, "If you don't like the weather wait 5 minutes." But it isnt really true. Anywhere. Except in the mountains. This afternoon I soaked in the sunshine while I ate my lunch on the front porch. It was a glorious taste of spring. An hour later the snow was blowing horizontally and the sky was gray. It fell and blew for 15 minutes and then the sunshine took over again and I longed to be outside. The weather changes often here. HOW WELL DO YOU WEATHER CHANGES IN THE CLIMATE OF YOUR LIFE? Change is an essential part of our life experiences. We can fight it but the fight is always in vain. There is nothing as constant as change. Some change is welcome but much is not. My faith tells me that my Father in Heaven will always guide me through life's storms and help me weather those changes. Still I find myself fighting the process. For me the greatest change occured when I began my battle with health problems many years ago. I am grateful for the 'healthy' days, and I fight through the tough ones. It is my personal snowstorm. Some days I fight it. I know that a positive outlook is my sunny day, and that when I fight and grieve I am battling my own personal blizzard, and yet I do fight. Sometimes. Recently I have been fighting. Today's changeable weather reminded me of the futility of fighting... I am looking into my heart and toward my family to renew my resolve to go throught the changes of my life with grace. It is likely that I will forget and fight again. Hopefully the crazy Colorado weather will provide another reminder when that happens.

When kids get their feelings hurt

The hardest thing about being a mom (in my opinion) is that sometimes I must see my children get their feelings hurt and there is nothing I can do. I can only give them a little extra attention and try to explain the actions of other children. It is a situation which I never feel I have handled properly. I saw my ineptitude again tonight. Cora has a friend -- someone she considers her best friend. Tonight she learned that her friend is planning a small birthday party and didnt invite Cora. It sounded as though the friend can only invite 2 or 3 girls. But if Cora could invite only one girl this would be the girl. I saw that Cora was hurt by the fact that she wasnt on the list of three girls invited. How do you help a child deal with hurt like that? I think I do everything wrong. This time I explained that her friend probably knew we would be gone for spring break and so she didnt even ask. But, is that helpful? Or did I make things worse than they already were? And what will happen next year when they all move to the middle school? Will these events happen more often? How do you handle similar situations? What would your response to this particular situation be? And how do you keep your children's pain from becoming your own pain?

Mountain Fashion

My favorite attire is a warm pair of flannel pajama bottoms an a tee shirt. Sometimes they do not even match. I wear a skirt to church but otherwise you will find me in denim or my flannel PJs. When I was much younger I loved fashion. I dressed in all the crazy 80s 'inspired by The Go-Gos' clothes and loved to shop for clothes. My lifestyle was different then. I went out to clubs, and dated boys I knew in the military. Rarely was I home on a weekend. Even week nights I was often out with friends or boys. Fashion played a role in that lifestyle. Now I spend my evenings playing board games, reading books, watching TV. Family activities. And my fashion reflects the crazy weather of the mountains rather than the crazy music of my young adulthood. I call it mountain fashion. :)

Music Memories

When I first discovered the world of blogging (admittedly long after most) I read posts by a friend about the memories evoked by the music of her youth. I loved the series and I have often reflected on those memories in my life. Back in the mid-1970s, when I was in Junior High I fell in love with what I term folk music but is really more appropriately named light pop/rock/easy listening. The Carpenters. The Turtles. Olivia Newton John, before disco. Mac Davis. I owned a all-in one stereo with AM/FM radio, a 'record player' and an 8-track tape player. (Yes, I am that old.) I would put a stack of records on the turntable plug in my massive headphones and stretch the cord as far as possible so that I could sit in my closet under my hanging clothes listening to my music for long stretches of time. Why in my closet? Privacy from my annoying little brother. Feeling sheltered from the world. Hiding from my problems. Getting lost in the perfect, romantic world portrayed in the lyrics of Karen. I sang every memorized word and formed a distorted view of love and relationships that lasted well into adulthood. Aside from that I remember the escape offered by the beautiful, high notes of Olivia in "I Honestly Love You" and Karen in "Close to You". I remember loving the fact that my Junior High teacher chose the song "Happy Together" for us to sing in show choir and that I felt every word was for a cute, blond boy named Doug. When Crystal Gayle sang "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue" I cried along with her plaintive words. Mac Davis created a world of expectations for my first pregnancy in the song "Having My Baby". I grew up and learned that life is not a love song, though love does have its own musical soundtrack. I learned that pregnancy is not always filled with only happy moments. I learned that I didn't want to sing about either happiness or heartbreak. I also learned the power of music in my life and each era of my life brought with it a soundtrack (is there a synonym for soundtrack?)which calls forth its own set of memories -- good and bad. I love all those soundtracks and eventually I would love to have a digital play list for each of them on my iPhone. Wouldn't that be fun? What are your favorite soundtracks and what memories do they arouse?