Motherhood and the moments which remind me.

A glimpse inside my heart. Last night my first-born child competed with 34 other kids in the school Geography Bee. It was one of those experiences in life when I realize how difficult it can be to hold the title "mom". I sat with Greg and Cora surrounded by families of the other kids, and with each question the tension rose. Not for Owen -- but for me. It is difficult to have no control over what happens next for your child; to worry that he will end up with a broken heart. I remember how devastated I was to lose as a child. I know that disappointment is normal, but sometimes disappointment feels heavier when you are a child. That weighed heavily on me while watching my son last night. I needn't have worried. Owen was composed and smiling, and I could see it in his eyes that he could have answered any of the questions posed to the other kids as well as those that were his to answer. Still, inside my head was a running tally of how many questions he got right as compared to the other children. There is some kind of strange thing that happens in these moments and you find yourself cheering against the kids who aren't your own. It isn't something which I enjoyed. However it was also one of the experiences in life which heighten the love of one's child. Owen enjoyed the process. I could see him thinking about each question. I could see the smile on his face whenever he knew the answer. And I could see that he is not only a bright child, but he also enjoys the surprises which life brings. He is compassionate and despite being happy to rise above the competition he empathized with the other children who were disappointed. In the end Owen came in second. He missed the final question in the championship round and ironically the answer to the question was "Greece". If you know my son you know this answer would seem to be his 'Least Likely to Miss' question. Is he disappointed? Of course. But he is also happy. His reaction is exactly the one I would have hoped for him to have. He is a good kid and I am proud once again to be his mom.