Chilled to the Bone -- what does it mean?

Each year it seems that the three weeks of cookie season is colder than the one before. While I know this cannot possibly be true I also know that tonight was certainly one of the worst I have survived. When the evening's sales were at an end and I returned home my feet and hands hurt so badly I cried. I am not one to succumb to pain easily but I couldn't seem to stem those tears. My teeth chattered, my legs shook and my tears flowed down my cheeks. For the first time (ever?) it occured to me that I understood the phrase chilled to the bone. But as I pondered the idea further I realized that nothing about my life is chilled. I am blessed in every possible way. I have a family whom I love and who love me. I have friends whom I trust completely. I have faith and hope which buoy me even in my times of distress. I have medications and oxygen which allow me to follow my path in life despite illness. I have education, thought, and resources with which I learn. I have it all. So, can I really be that cold? I have decided that the only time I am truly chilled to the bone is when I lose my direction in life.

Quiet in Colorado

Words have flowed from my fingers more slowly of late. I have a monster inside my head which stills my thoughts and creeps into my mind changing my view from optimistic to pessimistic and tries my faith. My monster may not be the same as yours but I am sure that you to have a monster. Mine is named BiPolar Disorder. Some people know it by the name ManicDepressive. I find that neither name shares with you the traits of my monster. And, actually, I have hidden from this monster well over the past 7 years. Unfortunately I have been fighting the battle again this past month and while at it I have often forgotten my friends, fought my family and ignored my faith. However I am taking the steps and winning this latest battle with BiPolar disorder. I don't want to share more than anyone wants to read and I know it would be easy to overshare so I will end this post here. But this is my way of stilling the monster and forcing my words to flow again. I hope you will follow.

What do I love today:

I am making a list of the things I love because I want to remind myself of how much fun life is when I make the most of it. The idea comes from my newest friend, Maggie! :) Greg, who does so much for me and our family Owen and Cora, who are the greatest kids ever reading hiking mountains diet Coke from a fountain studying the Middle Ages, particularly in Britain laughing road trips fun music sleeping in spicy foods the scriptures sunshine and BLUE skies 'snow days' when my family gets an unexpected holiday fireplaces and wood stoves hot springs seeing elk bloglurking the smell of babie' heads OU football ice cream clean sheets on my bed jacuzzi tubs -- wish I had one! candles movies that make my cry The Office -- I found this love because of Maggie my house fresh flowers blueberries that are slightly frozen historical fiction books board games mountains lake Michigan Historical road markers real letters in the mail a brand new journal good pens Wii laughter John Lennon Donny Osmond magazines

Poetry on Thursdays -- Robert Frost

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost Whose woods these are I think I know. His house is in the village though; He will not see me stopping here To watch his woods fill up with snow. My little horse must think it queer To stop without a farmhouse near Between the woods and frozen lake The darkest evening of the year. He gives his harness bells a shake To ask if there is some mistake. The only other sound's the sweep Of easy wind and downy flake. The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

Cookie Season and the Things I Love About Cora

Friday began our latest season of cookie sales. When your daughter is 'SuperGirl-the-TopSeller' every year this means lots of time outside in the cold meeting neighbors, slipping on ice and talking with your child. Each time I discover again some of the things I admire most and love the greatest about this extraordinary girl. Cora knows that if she is to attend camp she must earn Cookie Credits -- or Girl Scout dollars which will help her to earn her way there. Doing this requires her to sell ... many, many boxes! Last year she sold 1,128 boxes. This earned her troop more than $550 and she earned $255 in cookie credits. I am grateful that she is so determined to do her best and works so hard for the two months of cookie season. So who is Cora? She is a tender-hearted, sweet, boisterous, funny girl. Bright, kind and honest. She says the truth as she knows it and though she is often too stubborn she does learn her lessons when they come her way. She is generous. And through Girl Scouts she is learning to be a problem solver. While walking today she saw I was struggling with back pain. She didnt use it as an excuse to escape the cold or go home and play after two very long days of selling. No... she offered to carry my oxygen for me! It surprised and delighted me. I love that she looks for solutions and is willing to shoulder the burden of her mother if it will help. It is a beautiful trait in a beautiful girl. My daughter's feelings are often on the surface and she is hurt easily. She expects the best in people and when she sees their worst it hurts her heart. And that, of course, hurts my heart. Despite this Cora is more than willing to forgive and moves forward with excitement at the clean slate which forgiveness provides. She isn't shy however. She laughs easily. Talks easily. And she has no problems introducing herself and asking for her sales when she visits a home. I listen to the confidence as she encounters each new person and I am impressed at how much she has learned through this opportunity. My lovely girl inspires me and I am grateful to call her daughter.

One Little Word ... 2010.

A friend shared with me the fact that each year she chooses a word by which to direct her life. A theme, if you will. I love the idea and so beginning in November I began thinking about what my word should be. Right away I knew I needed a VERB. Active, not reactive. Something that would inspire and motivate but without the 'should' attached. I believe that people fail at resolutions so often because they choose things which have that word attached, and which easily result in guilt. Based on that I quickly tossed the word 'organize' which was top of my list. (I need to get organized.) I then tossed 'simplify' because in my mind I defined it similarly to 'organize'. Next I considered and tossed 'be', which felt a bit too existential. In the end, I have chosen the word 'DO'. I want to be present in my choices and active in my life. "DO' seems to fit.

Emily & Robert and I wish for you:

I wish for a year of choices and change. For hearts filled with love and joy. Mostly, I hope you look to your unique journey filled with hope. Hope by Emily Dickinson Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all, And sweetest in the gale is heard; And sore must be the storm That could abash the little bird That kept so many warm. The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth. Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same. And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.