On the Road - the worst didn't happen.

Yesterday my family was involved in an accident. Despite a car with much damage we came through it relatively unscathed. Today I am hurting from my hips to my head. The accident has triggered a flare of my Fibromyalgia. But it is a pain which will ebb quickly. I am grateful for the safety of seat belts which worked exactly as they should. I am grateful for the police officers who responded and ensured that we were all okay. I am grateful. Memories and Flashbacks. I know what can happen. I have seen the worst. On August 6, 198o, shortly after my high school graduation and before my 18th birhday I had an accident which has tortured me ever since. I was on my way to work that morning. I didn't make it. A few blocks from my apartment I was in a crash with another car which was driven by an elderly woman. I do not rememer the aciident. I do not rememer the morning. My first memory is of regaining consciousness in my car surrounded by emergency vehicles. Through my windshield I could only see the hood of my car and a person hosing down my engine. Through the passenger window I saw another car. But I couldn't see a person in that vehicle. It turns out she was there and they were able to rescue her from the wreckage with the jaws of life. They loaded both of us into an ambulance and took off with sirens blaring. I watched her die. Her heart stopped and the paramedics administered blows and shocks to her chest with no success. She died. I was released from the hospital with few physical injuries but great mental ones. Since that awful August morning I have suffered intense fear when I witness the remnants of accidents and I am skittesh in cars most of the time. I have suffered flashbacks. I am scarred. Tortured at times. But yesterday I saw that accident coming and while it scared me it didnt do more. I did not suffer a flashback. I didnt struggle with the tears that are always on the surface. I wasn't tortured by my memories. I cannot explain why I escaped these horrible memories, but I am grateful. And for the first time in nearly 30 years I feel a measure of freedom from those memories. I am grateful for that even more than I am for my physical health.